


the epic love story of Jared and Jensen and their gospels

by lilyy



Series: J2: the epic story! [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 30,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5473025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyy/pseuds/lilyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of thoughts on the various moments of life of Jared and Jensen. what they think of one another? we know? we think we know? let's see how we can be right or what can be wrong :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. behind the scenes of Jibcon 5, first part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phrases from which to take inspiration are true, but behind the scenes are invented by me :)
> 
> My fanfiction written in Italian and translated into English, sorry for any errors

Jensen: "Sorry for the delay ... I blame Jared."  
   
 

Misha: "Jared becomes clumsy Osiric against him because he is shy."  
Jensen: "Mr. Chau, not Osiric."  
 

  
Question: "Given the recent events, those who are more clumsy?"  
It appears on the screen behind the blooper Jensen falling episode Larp and the Real Girl.

Jensen: "I would say Jared, at least I do not have a dislocated shoulder."  
 

  
Jensen: "it was the fault of Osiric if Jared was hurt, and now we call it The Godfather."  
 

  
Misha and Jensen found the pseudo racquets that Ty and Mark left behind and now we are playing. Jensen jumped off the stage to catch the ball.  
"You see, here Jared would fall and it would break my shoulder."  
   
   
   
   
 

 

Ok, now that you've read the official panel of the cast of Supernatural JIb With the 5, you're probably wondering why Surely this introduction so bizarre and special, after all they are all things that you already know, have been around Twitter, the social network ....

But what we do not know is what happened behind the scenes after the poor Jared was hurt in the shoulder.  
 

Surely you know that Jensen went from Osiric to rebuke him for the accident.  
Ok, let's say you made a scene.

You may not know that Jared, embarrassed and a little 'surprise, got in the way: "Come on, Jensen, he did it on purpose ... not to rage, you feel guilty enough ... look, I can move it. AHI. "

 

 

Jensen had so annoyed replied: "Do not mess, Jared, you have a dislocated shoulder."

"I'm sorry! Sometimes I just can not control my strength! "Was justified sorry, Osiric.

"I enjoy Kung Fu?" She asked Jensen.

Jared had walked in circles in exasperation, and then he saw some men of Crew tell Jared some onlookers who tried to peep into the room where Jensen was doing rebuke to Osiric.  
 

"It's better if you do go out, before you can read on the web" Jensen Ackles argues with Osiric Chau because he hurt his Jared "said one of them, a bit 'serious and a little' laughing.

Jared smiled nervously.

"Let them first to go away ...."

 

You probably do not even know that the phrase in which Jensen announced his arrival: "Sorry for the delay ... I blame Jared." If he had that meaning, right? Yes, Jensen had been late because he was too busy being a rebuke to Osiric.  
 

You may not know that these sentences:

  "It was the fault of Osiric if Jared was hurt, and now we call it The Godfather"

  "Mr. Chau, not Osiric" could conceal some irritation Jensen.  
 

You may not know that when Jensen had teased Jared on the shoulder:

Question: "Given the recent events, those who are more clumsy?"

"I would say Jared, at least I do not have a dislocated shoulder"

"You see, here Jared would fall and it would break my shoulder"

he was just trying to play down - with himself and not with the public - the incident.

 

 

 

You may not know that on the return trip by plane, sitting next to Jared Jensen, he had a little 'taken.

"... It is a kid who you thinking?"

"He has 28 years ...." It was justified Jensen.

"What the hell does that mean ... it is just a child ..."

"But if you spread ..."

"This ... this ... it does not matter." He muttered Jared embarrassed.

Jensen smiled, trying to avoid being seen.

"Came to me to apologize at least a billion times ..." Jared muttered.

"Well ..." Jensen had nodded, satisfied.

"Do not you exaggerating? How long will you keep the nose? Osiric is a good one, come on, then you know that there is evil. "He said Jared trying to talk in a serious way, but laughed halfway.

Jensen smiled more openly. "Well ... maybe I forgive ... I have yet to decide ..." he said.

 

 

Jared had watched, motionless, and then smiled in turn.  
The phrase forgive had heated from inside.  
Of course there was nothing to forgive, he knew Jared and Jensen also knew for sure, but .... But the way it was so obvious that Jensen had been worried about him .... The way had been shown ....  
It had made me feel important


	2. behind the scenes of JIBCON 5,  second part

"I'm fine as long as I can see the smile of Jensen"  
 

Ok ... ..ufficialmente I should not blush so, behind the stage, as I listened to the hidden panel of Jared and hearing this kind of declaration of love ... .. ???

I should not even afford to be so disgracefully happy, and feeling so much heat behind the neck.

What the hell were they thinking with that sort of gentle giant, to say something like that, in front of millions of people ... maybe it was crazy?

God, it was sweet .... I did not think that he thought these things.  
 

After a moment of happiness, though, he caught the evil doubt that this sentence does not think seriously ...  
 

He said for the fans ... because they love the bromance between us and between Sam and Dean

 

 

Here it is that suddenly, my thoughts are reversed. Suddenly the gesture of Jared did not seem so much more just, or even seemed completely wrong. He was taking advantage of the love that fans have for our relationship to be "nice" to their eyes. It's not right. They did not deserve to be mocked.  
I do not deserve to be made fun of.

  
During the plane ride I did not tell him anything, but when we returned to Vancouver, on the set, I told him, trying to throw a joke.  
"Look, Jared, I heard what you said on the stage of the Jib ..."

  
"Which of the many crap I said?" He asked, laughing.  
I felt fit again anger.

  
"When you say you're fine, as long as you can see my smile."  
Jared paused a moment, embarrassed, and then murmured: "Did you hear ..."  
"Yeah, well, I was behind the stage ..."

  
Jared laughed nervously. "Well, did you like? A beautiful phrase, is not it? "  
I could not tell if it was on purpose to play the fool.

  
"Yes, really a nice phrase. I'm sure the fans will like a lot ... "  
Jared became marble.

 

 

Maybe he thinks I'm offended. I do not know and do not care. I thought then

"Uhh..è a phrase to say to a friend ...." He stammered.

I felt irritation burst through my veins, in my blood. Everywhere.

"Yes it is. But let's be careful not to overdo it, okay? We know that the bromance like it, but we should not necessarily make us harping at each Convention, to please the public. "  
 

Jared stared at the void beneath him. I felt like shit, even if he is to get wrong. But maybe I was too hard.  
 

Perhaps they are so bad because I would have liked it to be true ....  
 

Jared told me just, just trembling: "O-ok ... ..ricevuto, Jensen. I'll try not to ... get more compliments in public, if you think so ... "

It was damn serious. No trace of laughter in his face.  
   
He turned and walked away.

 

 

 

Having to stay in Vancouver even though the series is over, it is very relaxing. Probably the fandom thinks that when made public that the actors have left Vancouver and have returned home, it is always true. No, that is not. Sometimes it gives a good image to know that just finished the job, the players return from their families ... this happens, sure. But not right away.

When we finish with the filming, there are a lot of things to attend to paperwork ... plans for next season, meetings to do ... sets to settle ... we have to stay here, to express our opinion if you prefer something rather than the other. We can not immediately return home; and even when we go back, we have to immediately return after a while here. We focus back and forth. It's a marathon crazy. Since becoming startlingly crazy; and take private aircraft to not get caught by the paparazzi and photographers.  
   
 

Right now we are still here in Vancouver. It has been almost three days since our return to the jib, and since the day I scolded, Jared has not ceased to be cold with me.

I can not stand it's cool with me.

I went to Misha to get out and I laughed in his face.

 

 

"As usual, your touch is moving, Misha." I said, annoyed, and even depressed.

"Jensen, my friend, I thought it was me the outline, but you ...." He said, still laughing.

"Do you look like a clown?"

"Sometimes you're ... like you jumped in mind to accuse Jared using your relationship to fans? You've smoked that day? Heavy stuff, huh? Tell me the truth."  
 

It was as if someone had stuck a rostrum in my heart and turned, looking for the point where producing more pain. *  
 

"I'm an asshole ...." I admitted sadly. "It's just that ... .we are never so sweet to each other, in the sense, of course we are affectionate, but in words, Jared I have never said such a thing, so I thought ...."  
 

"Wait ... I cry now ... .no, BEFORE I write this parenthesis dulciosa of J2 on Twitter." He said Misha taking the phone.

"Stop it," retorted Jensen. "I have to go talk to Jared." I said, andandomene.  
 

"Quiet, Jensen, your love will overcome all obstacles! "He called after me Misha.

In response gave him a rude gesture, he laughed, and then I try to apprestai Jared.

 

 

I found him not far who was checking scripts, or at least the drafts of scripts.  
 

"Jared, I have to talk." I told him, and I looked like a typical scene in which I acted Dean Winchester.

"It seems a serious matter." Jared said, looking at me.

"You can forget about the damn sheets, for a minute?" I say, exasperated.

Jared sighs. "You know, acting Dean too long not good for you."

"Please, take a minute ..."

"Okay, talk ..."

"Not here .... Come with me."

 

 

Jared follow me with reluctance. I took him to a place a little 'secluded and then I started to do the damn speech.

"Listen, I'm sorry for what I said when we came back from Jib ..."

"You're welcome?"

"Jared, do not play dumb ... .Six cold with me from that day ..."

"Regarded as the take when they are sweet with you ...."

"So that's the point, Jared! I'm glad you said that "

"But that cat on ...."

"I ... I thought that you had said to the fans, to keep them happy ... I mean, I believed for a moment, but then my head took to svalvolare and I ...."

"Go to bed, Jensen, are you tired ..." he said annoyed Jared, trying to leave.

"No!" The chase and I parried before him. I was pathetic, damn.

"Please, tell me what you think." I begged him. I was praying, damn!

Only for a moment my heart faltered ... maybe I had made a blunder. Maybe I misheard. Misha was wrong and it was really as I thought.

 

 

"What you need to know what I think, Jensen? So you've already given judgment and conclusion YOUR! "Jared told me angry.

"You're right, I do not need. Because I know that is true. My heart tells me so. "I tell him, looking him in the face., Straight in the eye.

I'm an actor, guys. This does not mean that if I say something, I'm acting, but being an actor gives you an advantage in most. Do you know where you have to hit. Where words can dig into the human heart.  
 

And in fact they dug. Jared looked at me and his eyes flickered.

"Shit, and now you expect maybe even hug you, I bet." Said Jared, who suddenly seemed to have some eye discomfort.

I embraced him and he let himself embrace, abandoning me.  
 

"Thank you, Jay. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever said. "I whispered, feeling something in my eyes, clouded, push to get out, maybe running away from the flow of emotions that I devoured the chest.


	3. How can I seduce?

 

 

 

POV JENSEN

 

When I learned that I had the role of Dean, courses now on the internet, to see who was this Jared Padalecki with whom I worked; I had taken this frantic curiosity ... you know how it feels when you think you should know something, in the grip of some kind of momentum that you can not recognize? Well, when I saw the photos I thought, it is sexi. You really sexi. I can not help his brother.

Yes, there is to laugh. Maybe you do not know me that I was a very insecure before knowing Jared.

However, I was curious about this boy, I wanted to know him.

I came to the hearing of Supernatural and Jared only had them on the couch.  
 

I stopped to look at his eyes.

Green. They were green, of course; but that day, I remember how I seemed an indefinite color.

A color closest to the ocean.

He raised his head and smiled at me.

We introduced ourselves.

"You're here for the role of Dean, right?"  
"Yes, and you're here for the role of Sam?"  
   
I was surprised that we were alone. Jared laughed.  
"Well, we are the protagonists. "  
   
 

  
After the hearing they called us both in a room, stood up and applauded.  
 

I was surprised and happy. I looked at what would soon become my companion, my brother scene, and saw Jared clearly surprised as me, but recover quickly and return to smile.

 

 

 

*

  
Jared me astounded. Sexi was a puppy, and this puzzled me.

Let's say you played at being the seducer, the boy sexi. With a physique like that, so a face, and a smile like that, the girls of the crew went crazy for him, and he lost no time to sbaciucchiarsele.  
 

Something in his attitude restrained me ... I'm basically a shy, and perhaps his temperament, a bit 'too exuberant, destabilized me, but it was not the only reason ....

It seemed as if Jared was wearing a mask ... the mask: I'll show brilliant, sexi, witty, self-confident, with good-talking, funny, and I smoothed the way with everyone.  
 

I did not like this attitude, because he used it well with me ... .. trying to make nice, fun to play, to endear himself ... but never showed his true self.  
 

Often as we talked, it happened that he turned, and began to laugh. Sometimes hid his face, and wondered if he was trying to hide along with the face, even the real Jared.  
 

It was tenderness. It was like a glimpse of the genuine guy, beyond the facade ... a good guy, I did not understand why he could not simply be himself and he needed to emphasize so everything.  
 

"Ok ... now because I do not speak a little 'you, Jared, of your life?" I asked him after long minutes to talk about success, women, marketing, money, fame.

 

 

Jared is paralyzed, and perhaps it was one of those rare moments when I saw his mask slip away.

  
He seemed surprised, unsure for a moment. Fragile. Oh, it was so sweet, so puppy.

  
Then he laughed and said: "Let's talk about fun stuff. "

  
Perhaps not well taken this out ... maybe they are touchy, perhaps simply did not understand. The fact is that I took a bit 'distances, and perhaps that he did not like.

 

 

 

POV JARED

 

Let's say that Jensen struck me right away, okay? I admit, I was immediately struck by his eyes, but I could not show it to him or to anyone else.

With the work I do, I met several people who have two faces ... I learned that if you want to go well and have no problems, you can not show your feelings when you work with strangers.

I knew that this time would be different, and I was prepared mentally.

It never costs any effort to make friends, so be smart and funny when I want. The important thing was just to emphasize this side ... show me more positive, maybe with his head a little 'empty, and everything would be always good.

I had calculated Jensen.

My brother still did not give me a lot of satisfaction; It remained cold in all my assault, my every hug, every my monologue on the good life in Milan.

I could not understand. They were things that had always worked with anyone.

Perhaps did not like me, I thought.

But then beccavo sometimes throw glances, smiles, and I did not understand. Maybe I was trying to make him laugh for two hours, and I was standing in front of a block of ice, then maybe I turned away, I scratched my head, or the hair I went between the eyes, or I said something stupid, maybe I stuttered, and he smiled .

I realized that these sudden smiles embarrassed me, because they were not expected. Maybe I was trying to make him laugh or conquer it for hours, and I could not. Then when I did not want to do it, he would laugh or smile.

He was embarrassed to death. I tried to turn his head away, because, in a script written by me, I'm used to, but with the unexpected not.  
 

Do you think I did it over? s useless! Jensen now really beginning to like it, do not think bad ... I liked as a person, I wanted at all costs to become my friend, and then even more enfatizzavo my behavior. I wanted that I adored. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted you to trust me.

But he kept me at a distance, and I could not understand this attitude. Also he seemed very shy, and here I thought that maybe I did it on purpose. An actor so beautiful, can not be so shy.  
 

When I realized, however, that it was really so, he opens space. I did not know how to dissolve it. I did not know how to achieve it.

We were Dean and Sam. We had to get along, otherwise the audience would have noticed, and farewell ... Supernatural.

   
And goodbye ... Jensen.

 

It was then that I began to falter. The thought of not seeing Jensen had saddened me, and perhaps it was that made me concentrate less on appearances, and more about the "look".  
 

I watched, studied Jensen, trying to figure out his eyes or a word from him, because they reject me so.

It was so absurd attack a person I had known for a few weeks.  
 

 

 

 

The day that changed everything, Jensen and I had a fight. We were both stressed and tired for the many scenes we had to repeat, one reproached the other that he would forget the jokes, the other reproached that had a tone that did not like, the other said "think of your" and thus ended arguing. I also think of him screamed that he hates me.

You understand that pathetic? Obviously Jensen said nothing and merely throw a scornful look, then shook his head and walked away leaving me like a fool.  
 

  
After a while, 'I realized that he had forgotten his wallet in the rehearsal room. I knew where he was his trailer and decided to take it, secretly happy to have an excuse to go to him, although I was so pissed off about that scene.  
 

MI opens and looks surprised to see me. In fact, only a fool could recur after 15 minutes after a scene like that.

"Jared, if you come first ...." He said.

"I just came to bring you back your wallet. Have you forgotten in the rehearsal room. "I interrupt him.

Jensen smiles at me again with loving look.

How do I make him smile like that? If only I knew, I would do it forever ....  
 

But what I'm thinking?

 

 

Jensen meanwhile takes the wallet, and puts it in his shirt pocket. I look at him in amazement.

"Wow, I trust a lot of people." Comment.

"Excuse me?" He asked surprised.

"Well, you have not even checked if there are any ..." giggled nervously.  
 

He smiles again and suddenly realized: Maybe it's my insecurity to make him smile ... if I had known before, instead of spending all this time and suck ....  
 

Jensen brings me back to earth, saying: "I'm good at judging people." He looks at me allusive.  
 

Here I melt, and begin to vent. I talk to him about everything. My insecurities, I took the blows because of my naivety, the disappointments, the fear that I had to trust people now .... I had absurdly thought this attitude from man of the world could fascinate and enchant everyone .... how he had blown me with his cool ... ..of as cominciassi only now to realize that the whole crew of Supernatural was understood by great people, and that I was prejudiced party.

 

 

Jensen listened to all with a stake that I had never seen, comforted me and apologized if he might have seemed a bit 'cold, but my dualism had a little' crowded out, did not know how to behave.

I thanked him for seeing the real Jared under the facade.

He apologized for losing his temper before rehearsals. We both apologized and we hugged.

Upon my word, the scene of Sam dying in the arms of Dean in the finale of the first series, was emotional, and even shock us, but this was the embrace in which we realized really be starting to affezionarci.  
 

Immediately after Jensen told me I could sleep in his trailer if I wanted to. I agreed; naturally I slept on the couch, with a blanket very heavy, a pillow, and a Jensen, riscopertosi strangely fraternal, wished me good night, sistemandomi better blanket.

Clearly before a gesture so sweet mica could not indifferent play, right? They are still Jared Padalecki, and touched, I give him a kiss on the cheek, while I covered the system better.  
 

Is embarrassed as hell and mutters: "You can not be giving a finger that you take the whole arm, Padalecki." He says. However he ran at breakneck speed. It seemed a good sign, that he had no intention of running away from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let's start with order. The fact that Jensen had said that Jared was sexi, the fact that they met alone for the first time, and that is true then everyone applauded ^^ is also true that Jared said that "in almost 40 episodes we big fight only once, and that's only because we were so tired and stressatissimi. Soon after, I went to his trailer, we talked about it thoroughly, we hugged and that was it. we really like brothers. ". it is also true that Jared was blown away by the timidity of Jensen, and also true that the first impression of Jared Jensen was that there was cautious because of the work (he had met several people who are two-sided). I leave these images to give you a little idea of a still Jared some celebrities but always puppy: D
> 
> Jared: "he (Jensen) is kind of shy and manly. Is an odd combination and before we met, I was like ... you know ... but he's so confused and I love this guy ...."


	4. La rissa

"In quasi 40 episodi, abbiamo grande battaglia solo una volta, e questo è solo perché eravamo così stanchi e stressatissimi. Poco dopo, sono andato alla sua roulotte, abbiamo parlato a fondo, ci siamo abbracciati l'un l'altro e che è stato. Abbiamo davvero come fratelli ".   
Jared Padalecki -

 

 

POV JARED

  
When you're on set, it's easy to lose track of time ... perhaps you already know that to shoot an episode of Supernatural employ from 10 days to a month ... we had to make the third episode, which for technical reasons, it turned before the second episode; with Jensen things were .stazionarie ... ... say that I calculated that much, and that day I was really down ....

I had a sort of existential crisis, I think ... .so that Alyssa Milano when he Witches, had become so identified with the role, to go around reciting spells, believing to be a real witch.  
There is danger of being lost, if you are not careful.

I did not think I really have to be a Winchester or a hunter.

But I wanted to be.

Save lives, to hunt supernatural monsters, aboard un'impala black, with false documents and stolen credit cards ... eat in fast food ... ..  
Especially to have a traveling companion as Dean ...

Because Jensen was not like Dean? Because he would not be my friend?  
 

I was really depressed, and that day I was in a bar, not far from the set, and I drank a glass of beer after another.

 

 

The fourth glass, a girl comes up to me and tells me that a pretty face like mine should not be damaged by alcohol ... .the smile. It was really cute, with red hair wrapped in a braid, and blue eyes.  
"What's your name?" I ask.

"Christine." He replies with angelic voice.

We continue to talk about trifles ... not even remember what I must have raved until appears unexpectedly Jensen.  
 

"Jared, you're doing? Do not bother Miss. "He said, sounding arrogant, but in reality was annoyed.

"Go away, Jensen. Do not you see that I have company? "I ask. I start to laugh like an idiot, I had to be really drunk, damn.

"Miss, do not really want to spend your evening with this here? He does not see that he is drunk? Could vomit on him. "The Jensen says smiling.

"Drunk? For four beers ??? Do not be ridiculous"

"If beer makes you this effect, stà assured that shall drink no more." He tells me.  
   
 

  
He cares about me .... I can think of the rivers of alcohol.  
 

The girl, however, does not go away, in fact I rubs more on him, doing the crawl.

Time seconds and presents before us a great big guy and primitive.  
He missed only the club.

 

That's my girl, brat, "I do.

"Then you should tenertela close." I tell him, laughing, not realizing the danger he was running.

The guy comes up to me in a threatening, and the speed of light, Jensen appears in front of me, and pushing hands wide cicciobello.  
 

The guy is furious and unfortunately he was not alone. The guy that was with him, began to fight with me, and if cicciobello took with Jensen.  
 

They all turned to follow scena.Io Jensen and we manage to settle two fists well placed to types, but then came the other men, who were presumbilmente friends of bullies. They looked bad. Jensen feel to grab his jacket and take me away.  
 

We run, run, and then run again, without looking back.

 

 

 

 

To return to the set make us a head so, and Erik agrees with us that it is better not to say that the fight we have caused us. It would be bad publicity. We would have to say we had arrived that the fight had already begun and had been identified as those that had caused it.  
 

"A bit 'weak." I say.

Erik me look bad, as if to say "you have done the damage, you have to fix"  
 

I take much to realize that there was something wrong.  
 

"The arm ... .Erik ... it hurts ..."

"Is normal, with all the beating you took ..." he said, but seemed worried.  
 

Jensen came up to me, looked at me and touched my arm, and then he said, "it is better that I'll go check."  
 

I was worried about my arm, but I could not help but be happy for the concern of Jensen me. At the bar, and now.

 

 

 

The doctor came to an end, even if you did wait several hours. We were both me and Jensen very stressed because of that day and because of waiting exhausting. He finally visited and ascertained what we already knew. Jensen fortunately had nothing broken, but I do. Broken arm. We'd have to wrap it. But I could avoid going to the hospital.  
.  
 

  
Thank goodness, so I must not leave Supernatural, I wanted to say,

"Just as well, so you do not have to stop filming because of me," it was what I said instead.  
 

I do not know how to order, which left the doctor, after she cast on her arm, we were alone, and I Jensen.  
   
 

  
"Thanks for

Defended me before ...  
 

For coming ... first.  
 

Jensen nodded. It was serious, I did not understand if it was just sad or worried.  
 

"You were a jerk, you know that?"  
"Mmm ..."

 

"It could have been worse! You must set yourself, will not be there forever I cover you shoulders !! "  
 

Those words hurt.  
 

"Yeah I know, you are not mica Dean!" He says, raising his voice.

"And what the hell does this ???" he shouts.

"I do not care a damn about me, do not pretend it is not true! I hate me. "

"I got kicked and punched for you, motherfucker!" He shouts.

Indeed Jensen had a swollen eye, and maybe even a bruise was going to spuntargli forehead.

I flinch instantly and instinctively I raise my arm bandaged.  
 

Jensen looks at me, maybe a little 'hurt.

"Do you think you would hit? For whom do you take? "She says with a disappointed voice.

"Jensen, not ...."

 

"You need to relax, his arm put in these conditions it is better that you do not overdrive." He said, taking his jacket and leaving the room. His face was very tired.

 

 

 

*

  
After a while, 'I realized that he had forgotten his wallet in the rehearsal room. I knew where he was his trailer and decided to take it, secretly happy to have an excuse to go to him, although I was so pissed off about that scene.

But ...... But Jensen had defended me! It intervened to prevent me from being harmed, and it was then worried about my arm! Just like Dean would do !!

  
He opens and looks surprised to see me. In fact, only a fool could recur after 15 minutes after a scene like that .....  
   
 

  
"Jared, if you come first ..." he says.

 

"I just came to bring you back your wallet. Have you forgotten in the rehearsal room, "I interrupt.

Jensen smiles at me again with a loving look

 

How do I make him smile like that? If only I knew, I would do it forever ...

 

But what I'm thinking?

 

Jensen meanwhile took his wallet and puts it into his shirt pocket. I look at him in amazement.  
 

 

"Wow. Do you trust such people "comment.

"Excuse me?" He asked surprised.

  
"Well, you have not even checked if there are any ..." giggled nervously.  
 

  
He smiles again and suddenly realized: Maybe it's my insecurity to make him smile ... if I had known before, instead of spending all this time and suck ....  
 

  
Jensen brings me back to earth, saying: "I'm good at judging people." He looks at me allusive.

 

 

Here I melt, and begin to vent. I talk to him about everything. My insecurities, I took the blows because of my naivety, the disappointments, the fear that I had to trust people now .... I had absurdly thought this attitude from man of the world could fascinate and enchant everyone .... how he had blown me with his cool ... ..of as cominciassi only now to realize that the whole crew of Supernatural was understood by great people, and that I was prejudiced party.  
 

Then I talk about how I was depressed that day, how I wished we were really Sam and Dean, how I struggessi into thinking that he did not want my friendship, as I had heard so absurdly jealous of Sam.

Upon my word, I do not know how to say this without sinking in shame.  
 

Jensen listened to all with a stake that I had never seen, comforted me and apologized if he might have seemed a bit 'cold, but my dualism had a little' crowded out, did not know how to behave, but, he added, he receives in Jared me the sweet, kind, good, under the facade that I had built.

I thanked him for seeing the real Jared under the facade.

  
He apologized for losing his temper before rehearsals. We both apologized.  
 

Jensen told me that now Sam and Dean did not see them more so away with them, as I thought instead.  
And we hugged.  
   
 

  
Upon my word, the scene of Sam dying in the arms of Dean in the finale of the first series, was emotional, and even shock us, but this was the embrace in which we realized really be starting to love one another.

 

Immediately after Jensen told me I could sleep in his trailer if I wanted to. I agreed; naturally I slept on the couch, with a blanket very heavy, a pillow, and a Jensen, riscopertosi strangely fraternal, wished me good night, sistemandomi better blanket, making sure the arm in plaster, which I softened much .... before a gesture so sweet mica could not indifferent play, right? They are still Jared Padalecki, and touched, I give him a kiss on the cheek, while I covered the system better.  
   
 

Is embarrassed as hell and mutters: "You can not be giving a finger that you take the whole arm, Padalecki." He says. However he ran at breakneck speed. It seemed a good sign, that he had no intention of running away from me.

 

 

 

Ok ... maybe here we will find something strange ... very strange ... ..  
I admit. I lied when I said that the great quarrel was for the many scenes we had to repeat. A BIG lie.

Can you blame me? It is not a simple thing to tell.

We have not even revealed to the press.

It's something only our  
 

Because I changed my mind and I decided to tell the truth?

Jensen

Jensen came up to me and told me that we should not be ashamed of our fragility, and that would redo everything, including the barrel, knowing that would serve to make us finally talk to each other.  
 

Not to mention that the giant would have stretched, and then Jensen would have to go to jail for murder. His words.

How do you continue Supernatural if one of the two main players is in jail? You can not, right?  
 

Practically we have saved the show. Jensen, difendomi, leaving me and I defend.

 

 

 

 

"Have you finished writing a bunch of crap, Padalecki?" Jensen asks me in the shower.

"How do you know that I write crap?" I ask, and while I laugh.

"The I sense from the way you write, all out of breath."

"You're a liar, you can not see me in the shower." I challenge. Or maybe you can?

"I'm Batman." He says, and laughs again, while I resume writing, marking this new exchange.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared Padalecki ha girato l’episodio con la mano rotta; si è rotto la mano durante le riprese dell’episodio 1 x 3 : Morte nell’acqua, perché lui e Jensen Ackles sono stati coinvolti in una rissa in un bar. Secondo il loro racconto, sono arrivati al bar dopo che c’era già stata una rissa e vennero scambiati per quelli che l’avevano provocata. Un’altra versione della storia racconta che un tizio non fu molto contento quando la sua ragazza cercò di approcciare Jensen o Jared.


	5. Here I am

POV JENSEN

 

 

In fact the story of the fight was not the only time me and Jared we had a fight.

Maybe Jared remembers bad, or perhaps it is painful for him to talk about it, but for me the biggest quarrel was another ......

 

At the time we were shooting the second series, and at that time one of the dogs of Jared was terminally ill from cancer. I saw Jared suffer a lot, and I tried to stay close to him as only a friend can do; but unfortunately Jared had to do break down anyway, not to make him suffer.

  
He stayed very bad, I knew well the pain that gripped him, and when I saw him cry in the final episode 2 x 17 "Heart", I knew what he was thinking, for what she was crying.  
I took a bite stomach, I was sorry to see him suffer too much so, and as I tried to stop myself, I could still stop the tear that I got off the face.

  
I was sorry that he had changed the scene, but I thought, however, that all in all it was one thing to appreciate. Both of us were left to go to the emotions. Vere.  
When finished editing, we were shown the episode, I thought Jared would have been surprised by my reaction, but I would have been happy. I thought you would appreciate my empathy for him, my concern.

  
But no!

 

"Okay, asshole! You always steal the scene! "He shouts.  
I was shocked. I had heard a few times Jared shout.

 

The anger at an attack unfair, however, was stronger, and I jumped up, visibly angry.

  
We came to blows, luckily they stopped some crew members who were present at the vision.

  
They make me calm down, and instinctively try to ask Jared civilly time, what the hell had happened to him, but I do not see it. He was already gone.

  
They make me think about the fact that Jared was still upset in a clear manner for the loss of his dog, Harley, I was the biggest, the smallest him, and I had to have patience.  
I take my coffee and I stop to think. To go or not to go in the camper of Jared, which was, in a very sgam, refugee?

 

 

Jared had not done well. He had said something bad enough, purporting to be a bit 'jealous of my stage presence on the set, which evidently he felt a small part of some' shady, then ran away without even giving explanations.  
 

The I had been close. I spent whole nights at his trailer to keep him company, talking, keeping awake, to distract him. I knew I could not sleep, so if I could not lull it to sleep, I could at least try to distract him.

I had accompanied to the vet, I had tried a solution for his dog.  
It was not to treat me like this.

But ... ..però Jared he was a good friend, from when we first met and became friends, was always loyal and a good friend to me, and I was sure I deserve another phrase bad, and maybe even a fist, if She had left him alone in his trailer to bask in the moment for the loss of his beloved dog, alone.

 

 

 

He knocks at his trailer, hoping that it is not yet short-tempered. He opens the door,

and to address other moments of anger, I first ask them: "you went?"

drew a smile spiritual and conciliatory means, he looks at me with puppy dog eyes, on his face the guilt.

Blabbering something I do not understand, that sounds vaguely like an excuse, I see the trembling lip, and at that moment I realize that I do not need excuses.  
 

We hug. I feel that someone must have seen us from afar, but I did not care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extract from an interview with Jensen:
> 
> apparently they quarreled during the second series after filming the episode "Heart" (2x17) and at that time one of the dogs of Jared, Harley, was due to terminal cancer and had to do it to break down. From what Jensen said, tears of Jared at the end of the episode were due to the displeasure of the situation and the loss of a faithful dog. And he (Jensen) was so sorry that during the take, could not hold back the tears that we all then we saw. When at the end of assembly, the episode was shown to the two actors, it seems that Jared still upset over the loss of Harley, have clamored for Jensen "It 'good shit, you always steal the scene !!" and they did not come to blows only through the intervention of some members of the crew present the vision. Jared went to his trailer without explanation, and shortly after Jensen joined him and when Jared opened seems that Jensen told him only "I went ?? !!" , They saw them that they hugged and since then it seems that no longer have a fight.


	6. Hellfire

"May I ask what is your plan? Drag me to hell, kill Sam, and then what? Become the queen of whores? "

"It is not worth responding to a dog food"

"Attack him."

"No!!! Stop him!

"Aaaaaaaaah"

"No, enough, enough, stop it!"

"Ahhhhhh"

"No, stop it ... ..no ... .."

"Yes…."

  
Jared feel, no ... .Sam, sobbing, looking at the dead body lying on the ground of his brother  
I feel it approaching, pull me close to him, and I count on my every effort to restrain myself and not ruin a scene so perfect.

Is Sam's crying, not Jared. I have to remind me.

I see tears cadergli down from her face, her eyes narrow.  
 

Ninth…. I hear him murmur. I feel the urge to comfort him.

I'm alive, Jared, your Dean is alive ... . Please, do not cry anymore ....

 

Do not you cry no more ... ..

  
He ends the scene and see Jared try to stand up and tremble visibly, so that he can not control it. It seems to have convulsions.  
"Jared. JARED! "I shake him.

  
"It is ... it's just that - I thought ... .I ... .I thought ..." and starts crying on my shoulder. We are both still on the ground, and several people look at us with curiosity. I strafrego of all and try to calm him down.

  
I did not think that Jared was so difficult to shoot these scenes ... I had said repeatedly in recent days, in recent weeks, because of this thing that Dean was going to hell, troubled him, he had nightmares imagining that I go there, not Dean .

  
I did not take it seriously. Sure, I was secretly pleased, but actually accused him, laughing, being unprofessional.  
"Hey, it's over, brother." I said, trying to distract him.  
She gave a slight laugh.

 

Really I did not understand how he must have felt Jared, until we shot the scene of Dean reminiscent hell.  
   
 "At some point I no longer resist ... ..no I did ... so I went down to that wheel, God forgive me ... I am descended from the wheel and began to cut up the anime..ho lost count than they have tortured ... and of ... .cose I did ...  
 

"Dean ... .Six managed to hold out for thirty years, you could not do more ..."

"I have a weight inside ... ..dentro me ... ..that is destroying me, believe me ... I wish I did not feel anything ....

 

The scene ends, but my tears will not stop flowing. They walk away not to be seen, but I feel Jared running after me, looking at me with eyes shining, proud and worried at the same time, and then hug.

"Great scene, man!"  
   
 

Yes, it's true, I had identified himself in Dean. I thought it was me, Jensen, hell. I thought it was me doing those things.

I also thought to deserve it for some time.  
 

"I have a weight inside ... .dentro me ... .that is destroying me ... believe me ... I wish I did not feel anything ..."

 

Even I, Jensen, I had a weight inside, I was destroying, and I would have liked to feel nothing ....

My weight was the feeling to Jared who was taking shape ...

I understood what it was and I was horrified ...

And desperate ...  
 

At that moment, perhaps, in the arms of Jared, for a moment I lowered the defenses and made him a proposal: "Jared, why do not you come and live with me?"

He looked at me surprised and happy, and he accepted.  
I felt my heart get a little 'lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fan: what was the most intense scene or exciting show for you?  
> Jared: that of "Heart".  
> Jensen: ... really upset by this ... I mean, I was upset for him.  
> Jared: and the speech of hell for you, remember? you had to get out ...  
> Jensen: Yeah, sure ... it was really touching that I had to get out ...
> 
> jared then had recourse to comfort him and hugged
> 
> ps Jared and Jensen have really gone to live together for a period ^^


	7. You will always sam and dean

Of course it not was was our first ... .I coexistence and Jared had occasionally shared the same home in the second and third season, when we had to stop more than necessary when shooting, or to find support in a specific place, but they were special occasions , nothing to do with the life of every day; but my offer was right to take our home in Vancouver ... .I was well with him, and I wanted to feel closer, I also liked the idea of style cohabitation Winchester brothers; not to mention living with Jared 24 hours 24, in addition to the shooting of Supernatural, I hope I calasse this kind of lust - feeling?

 I was inexplicably coming to this guy.  
 

E 'was great to go and get the keys to our house, together.

I let Jared decides pillows for the sofa, and I was busy the sheets for the bed .... It seemed only a married couple.  
 

Obviously, the shooting kept us glued to the set Supernatural for nearly 12 hours, and most of the time we ate some sandwiches fly them .... Sometimes as a reward for their work, for us actors iced cakes, and I said I annoyed:

"You do not seem Dean?"

And everybody laughed. Jared laughed, and then I tried to make that line more often.

However, Jared has always been a big eater, and I do not want you denutrisse, and so, when we were not too tired to throw, and arrived home at 2:00 or 3:00 am, I put them in very good cook spaghetti with garlic, oil and hot pepper. Jared was going crazy.  
 

I noticed, at times, that he began to look at me while I cooked. It looked just like he would a wife. In those moments I felt hope switch on again the veins.  
  


 

 

"What you have to keep staring at me, Padalecki?" Teased him then.

"I noticed that we finished the chili" I answered him, and those were the moments when my heart risprofondava.  
 

Sometimes we'd play soccer at home, at night, and as we accanivamo! We looked like two kids.

"You're slow, padalecki!" I told him, teasing him, and assestandogli another goal.

"It is not fair. You know I'm tired, "he complained, as a kid.

"Ok guy whining, I propose a rematch tomorrow, we have our day off from filming ... and I'll show you I can still beat you." I told him.

"Why do not we play football really? Let's see if you work your feet, as you work your hands, Ackles. "Reawakened him.  
 

The next day, he won at football. I remembered more effectively if he was better than me, or if I decide to let him win, because I liked her laugh happy .... I know that I myself was happy every moment of every day I spent with him.  


 

 

"You thought we were going so agree, when you asked me to go to live?" He asked me one day Jared.  
"Sure! Why else I would do it? "I answered, sounding cocky.

  
I felt that it was the best decision that I had taken up to that point. Sure, sometimes it happened that I felt even a certain grip stomach, when Jared came too close to me, and touched my belly in a casual gesture, but I wanted to ignore the feeling, however, already feeling glad it was always by my side.

  
And so I wanted to convince myself that between us there was only a beautiful friendship.  
I tried only a beautiful friendship.

 

But it was not what he thought he had a way of seeing us always together.  
Yes, I'm talking about the Supernatural fandom.

  
I already knew of the ship that had arisen in regard to Sam and Dean, and I admit to having been happy, more than what could be legitimate ....  
He escaped me but what was great and large the ship that had arisen between me and Jared.

  
Now, you must know that the Convention, as I have loved since the first day, I always felt a bit 'confused ....  
All those people, all those lights flashing ....

  
All those people who ask questions, they want to know, ask that Dean and Sam, who want to respond to questions which Kripke and the writers want us to remain silent ....

 

 

I'm basically a shy, my work as an actor has not exorcised, to stay in theme of Supernatural, all this my part ... and then find myself in front of all those people, I'm always a little intimidating '.  
 

This is why I always look to Jared, when he gives me his eyes, and smiles at me in turn, I feel more secure, more peaceful, and I like that it all comes from us, from Jensen and Jared, from Sam and Dean .... From Supernatural ... every time I think all these people are until then to see us  
 

I feel proud of us, I mean, it should not ... because all these people is to talk about Sam and Dean, is that they love. But ... .Its ... .not I can not help but to turn to Jared and smile, laugh at his jokes.

The public loves us, he loves us, he loves our relationship

Continue to think my heart palpitating.

 

 

I do not know what triggered the ship ... maybe hugs, perhaps the looks, maybe the love that emanates from us, and that fans perceive ....

The fact is that I did not realize how serious it was, until it took us and showed us in front of a computer, most of the material going around on the internet.

Inferences between us .... Tens ... and then more and more ... .dubbi, muffled giggles, photos of me and Jared that we embrace, and I remember those images and I Jared exchanged a smile and watched images with kindness ... were cute fans after all to collect images of our exchanges of affection ...  
But then they showed us more ...  
 

Fotomtaggi .... Manipulated photo of Sam and Dean, some sweet and soft depicting only hugs and kisses on the cheek, and here and there only occasional joke a bit 'naughty or let on .... But then the imamgini became more daring .... Even pictures of me and Jared who were having sex, or naked embrace, others we were just clinging to each other ....  
 

I look at Jared and became a deep burgundy .... And I realize I feel like him .... Quele images were made so well, especially where modeled our most intimate parts .... That seemed really we were Jared and I having sex and being caught.

For one wild moment I had the idea to joke about it, saying that if he had seen a journalist just a bit 'amateur, he would mistaken for real, and would try to blackmail us.

Kripke and the rest of the crew, however, did not allow me to joke about. He does not even let formulate that idea joking, that they started looking more type.

"Please, no. Is embarrassing. We do not want to see any more "Jared tried to stop them, and at that moment I adored.

 

 

"No. you have to watch "insisted. They show music videos of Sam and Dean, and also on the two of us ... video ... with love songs.  
I watched the video and saw that fans they stopped a lot on each other looks that we launched ... we did not have the courage to look back Jared and joke about it, but when I saw the images moved to stolen glances, in which one of the two watched the 'another, with lovely eyes, when the other does not n'accorgeva, I began to think in a delirious and if they are right?

  
I thought I had seen everything, but I was wrong. Digitarono yet, until I read the word  
fanfiction.

  
"What devilry is this? Another picture? "I asked, bewildered.  
"Another image with more effects?" He asked, Jared, specifying.

  
I discovered that the fan fiction are imaginary stories created by fans, inspired by literary or cinematic existing, and told the web.

 

They made us read two fan fiction short enough. One of me and Jared ... even if history was perhaps expand a little ... .sembrava a porno..o still semi porn .... Carina the plot though.

I was surprised at how the fans were able to write stories so porn, but also by inserting sweetness and romance in a wonderful way.

I appuntai mentally, once home to do research on this strange phenomenon. And then I realized that home with me was also Jared, and explain it would be tough.

The fan fiction Sam and Dean was slightly less porn, but still very erotic, and very sweet.  
 

I did not realize he had been holding his breath all the time, and also Jared had done.

When we finished reading, we asked:

"Then?"

"So what?" Jared asked, breaking into a giggle.

"What do you think?" There pungolarono forward, with the tone of someone who does not understand the situation.

"Stories nice," I say, smiling.

 

For a moment it seems that everyone was about to burst out laughing, including us, but then recovered quickly.

 

"Listen guys. No one here wants to make a process, but it is clear that the fandom has the perverse fantasies towards your characters. "He explained Kripke in a kind.  
"So? We already knew ... .not has never been a problem ...They are just fantasies ... "I say, a bit 'annoyed by the third grade.

  
"Fantasies hot" Jared said, slyly. Fine. At least he could not find the fun part.  
"I assure you that we're not together," I start to explain, laughing hysterically, and feeling blaze.

  
"We know that, Jensen ... but this story can not continue ... and also the fact that you are going to live together, it does not help to put out the allegations on a liason your ..."  
"Why is that bad? If the fans like to think we're together ... .... "I say, uncomfortable, not daring to look at Jared. "Let him think, right? do not get me wrong, I'm not saying that we should lie, or deceive them, but ... I think that they also Sappino, that's not true, right? fuck, will know for sure that we are not gay ... maybe we hope ... or maybe he just likes to imagine how it was when we were together .... "I said, mumbling as he could, trying not to think about the fact that I was happy that fans fantasticassero on us ... so I did not feel alone, and if anyone else believed it, it looked a bit 'more real.

 

After all this babble, everyone, including Jared, stare at me puzzled. Then continuous, calmer:

"I'm just saying ... do not have to necessarily prevent fans to fantasize about us ... it's what they do fans ... he likes to fantasize about all couples tivu, and on their respective actors, hoping to get together ... not .finora It's never bothered anyone, because it should be different? Because we are two men? "I ask.  
 

There was silence after this my last speech. They looked at me all serious, annoyed, perhaps because no coincidence, I had inadvertently accused of racism and homophobia.

I look at Jared and has a proud look, while staring at me. It is proud of what I said, and I feel a bit 'better.  
 

  
"Jensen, this is not just a fancy hot homoerotic, here it is also about your characters. Than it interpreted the show. You are Sam and Dean. You are especially Sam and Dean. I'll be forever, until will air this show and even after, when it is finished, "said Kripke still continuing to try to explain in a kind.

 

I sank to the ground under the feet.  
Incest….

They were accused of ....  
 

"... It is because we are brothers?" Jared asked.

"Yes! I'm relieved that you've hit the point, Jared. Of course there is nothing wrong with a hot fantasy about two guys ... heck, it would not be the first time ... but we have to protect the image of the show .... We can not make it dirty, you know? Already we tribulando with this ship that has developed between the brothers. ... Where you think it did this ship? "He asked Kripke.  
 

"You ...." I began, agitated, and then had to stop to swallow.

"You're accusing us of inciting incest vi ... you realize what you are saying?" I ask, upset, embarrassed, angry, and full of guilt, full of guilt for having been secretly happy, because my feelings for Jared.

 

I was immediately surrounded by a bunch of rumors, which seemed to distinguish between the phrases:

"You're taking the issue the wrong way, Jensen ..."

"We're not saying that you did it intentionally"  
 

"What do you want us to do? You know that's not our fault "Jared intervenes, polished, although he too was a bit 'altered.  
 

"First of all, we need a distraction ... the fact that you live together, has fueled rumors about your ... ... REPORT FROM .dobbiamo disprove it ... if the words are not enough, the facts will suffice. When they begin to see you with girls, will have to admit the reality. "He continued Kripke.  
 

I remained silent. I am a girl I had it. Daneel ... but I had never spoken, and I did not want to put it in the middle.  
 

"For you there is no problem, Jensen ... know that you are engaged for about two years with the actress Daneel Harris"  
 

I felt defeated.

Jared obviously knew Daneel. I had vented at length with him, telling him how much trouble we had, and the fact that our relationship was on its last legs. Maybe that's why he took my defenses, or at least we tried.  
 

"Wait ... Daneel does not count, they are separating ... .He ... they do not ..."

 

"Ohh ... bickering between lovers ... .no irreparable ... make peace ..." he dismissed one of the crew.  
 

"If you think that staying with Daneel force can silence the ship on us, or on Wincest, you are wrong," I said then, very tired.  
 

"Maybe not, but we can .... Addressing the fantasies of fans of another couple, very much as possible ... "said the same man.

"I do not see how ... we've always been just us ..." I said.

"Misha is so obnoxious that you always choose to pretend it does not exist, Jensen" another said, shaking his head.  
 

  
"Thing?? No ... but how ... how can you think that shippino me and Misha? It is madness…"

"For that matter, it seems crazy that people can also shipp two brothers, but as you see, has happened .... It still is not Misha and Jensen, is Dean and Castiel ... something different ... "This made the other.  
 

 I remained silent without uttering syllable. Jared was to break the silence.  
 

"People do not ever become attached," he said, standing up.

 

"Are you so sure? "Said a man who until then had not yet spoken.  
 

"It is a long time ... personally I am in charge of the matter. Not much, to tell the truth, but enough. I infiltrated the web anonymously using a nickname, and I started to create some kind of ... .Fanclub for this new couple, I made allusions, pointed sentences ambiguous attitudes a bit 'so ... and I caught curiosity slowly, initially a person, then two, then three ... "the man drawled, counting with the fingers of the hand.

"In short I have collected at least fifteen in favor of the new ship called" Destiel "said the man.

"Is this the best I've been able to do? Fifteen? "The sbeffeggiai I, still shocked by the news.  
 

"Oh, there will be many more, in a little '...." Said the man. "We decided to marciarci a bit 'on the show too ..." the man said, looking pleased with first authors who had managed to caught out, and then Kripke himself.  
 

"And you listen to this wacko? I recognized you, you know ... you're the agent of Misha! Tell that all this is your protege to have a little 'advertising'  
 

I was losing control, and it told me to give me to calm down, that I was exaggerating, but at that moment I did not care.

 

I glanced to Kripke, whose gaze seems to waver for a moment. He stared at me, and perhaps you were wondering if I was right about that guy, if not had to trust, perhaps he was sorry for the situation in which we had placed.

"Oh, you may prefer that people continue to shipp you two brothers? Gentlemen, perhaps Jensen here, is the first fan of themselves .... "He also told the agent Misha, interrupting my musings. He turned to look at the present.  
I remained silent.

  
"So, Jensen? Did you have a crush on our big boy with green eyes and puppy dog eyes? "He scoffed.  
They looked at all, especially Kripke, in a serious way. They expected an answer.

  
"This is ridiculous. Okay ... do you have to do. I I slam !! "I said, with a click andandomene angry.  
I warn that Jared tries to follow me, calling my name. - Jensen, wait - unfortunately, however, call it, and I'm furious trope to stop me, and I go, leaving them alone.

 

 

What happened then, Jared told me this later.  
   
 

  
"Jared, wait, Jensen will have even finished talking to us, but you do not" stopped him.

"What do you want ? You do not understand that I have to go to him? He is upset. "Said Jared.

"Quiet. You'll have time to go to comfort your boyfriend. in the meantime we have to talk about you. "He also told the agent Misha.  
"Of me???!"

"Yes, you. Jensen will also have the girl but you're not. "  
 

Jared looked at the agent, and all those present, including Kripke, aghast.  
 

"" Eric, please ... "she pleaded Jared.

"He's right," said Kripke only, sorry.

 

"As it happens, it seems that we have in Serbia for you a new love, first on a silver platter ... .. you know the girl who plays Ruby, Genevieve?" He asked.  
Jared's eyes widened.

"He seems to have a little thing for you, you will not be difficult to win." He said.

"You can not force me ...."

"Jared, listen ... you're not asking sposartela, but only a little flirtarci '... us a story ... then when you get tired, the soft, clear? Maybe you will take another ... it is only for a temporary ... "

"I not am going to exploit ever that girl!"

"And who tells you to do so? Who knows, maybe you fall in love ... if it's not true what they say on the net that you like men ... "said allusive, agent.  
 

Jared felt defeated, like Jensen.

 

*

  
I feel get Jared to interrupt my hotly dispute with Misha.

"Jens ... that later ..."

"I assure you that I did not know anything, Jensen" he tried to justify the poor Misha.

"LIAR! YOU AGREE WITH HIM! "The cry against. I was beside myself and I did not want to believe in the innocence of Misha whole thing.

"Jensen, that's enough, stop it!" Jared tells me, pulled me firmly, and taking me away.

"Forgive him, Misha. It is beside himself. Do not really with you "says Jared, apologizing.

"Yes, but ..." he replied Misha sad, and somewhere, as I was blinded by anger, grieved me a bit '.

 

 

"They can not force me ... do not do anything wrong ..." I try to say weakly, while Jared and they forgot the third grade we had just received, I put an arm on his shoulder and walk well.  
"No, I can not, Jensen"  
The way we were naive! The way we were fools! Poor ....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: I realize there went down a little heavy.
> 
> This chapter is obviously all invented from me xd


	8. Broken

POV JARED

  
"Sorry sorry sorry ... I did not mean to get in ritardo..perdonami" said a breathless Ruby, arriving late for our appointment.

"Do not worry, no problem," I laughed, after aspetatto for 20 minutes.

"No no no no, you have every reason to be angry with me, our first date and I'm late" stirred Genevieve

"Genevieve, no problem."

"No, it's inexcusable ..."

"Gen"

"... .."

"Uh, I menage to stop, it means that I'll have to call you so often ..." I smiled

"... Not because you're not yet run away?" She asked.

"You're tender," I said simply.

 

And it was true. Genevieve was even sweeter than it looked on the show ... I think you can notice the difference between the first and second ... this Ruby thanks to Genevieve..è so sweet that he can not do well cattiva..i his gentle manners the damn.  
   
   
 

 

"Everybody hates me," he said, somewhat 'distraught.

"Maybe you see a little 'flirt' I said to him smiling.

"Thank you, Jared," she replied, a bit 'annoyed.

"But no, it's a compliment ... it means that you are so sweet that your attitude is mistaken for gattamortaggine" she answered.

Genevieve looked at me impressed, undecided whether he should be praised or insulted.

It was really cute, I thought ... .. maybe the task of being seen with her would prove easier and more enjoyable than expected.

  
So it was not. Genevieve beginning to attend, the little free time I had when I had to be on the set, it spent with her ... and I saw myself less with Jensen.  
I reflected on why it should get me upset.

 

I had already thought of the hypothesis to be attracted to him, or even love ... I was convinced that in the end my love affair could very well be falling in love, friendship ... Who does not jumps with merriment of their friends, especially when they are very close? It just had to be also a sexual component.  
Little did it matter that when I saw him going around the house in his underwear, or naked chest, or while he dressed, pulling on the shirt, or even when I saw him out of the shower with wet hair, I wiped almost salivating.

  
It was because of the thoughts that I had come when I saw the photos manipulated on us, I tried to convince myself.  
Just knowing that I was attracted by the fan fiction fans who wrote to us, invest in full ... I did not know what meaning to give him, but I did not care ... it's just curiosity, I said to myself ... and I began to read them on the sly.

  
Jensen did not know anything, and once almost miraculously did not surprise me to read one on his way home.

 

 

I tried to convince myself that I do not do anything bad to go out with friends Genevieve ... everyone just know girls begin to see less, you need not feel guilty about it ... and then me and Jensen were still friends, right?

  
Jensen had spoken about it, but I was always with my mind to it ... even when I was with Gen ... .avrei wanted to amuse the mind, but just could not.  
One evening I remembered with horror that I had promised to Jensen to see a movie together. I completely forgot.

  
I could not say this to Genevieve, so I found an excuse ... I said that Jensen had brought a cat at home and I had forgotten to feed him.  
"He can not give it to him?" She asked Genevieve.

  
"there is not. He came out "I lied.

  
"We to," she said, and I realized that I was beginning to annoy me.  
"I'm sorry Gen, really, I can not ... if Jensen would take the bad, loves that cat," I told him, a little ashamed.  
"It's OK. Then I'm coming with you ... I've always loved cats. I love them. "She insisted.

  
I began to smell a rat ... ..if Gen he loved animals, he would not try to convince me not to feed him ... wanted to control me to say the truth, and perhaps avoid kicking the appointment.

  
"It is a cantankerous cat ... not to approach strangers," I said trying to levarmela off.

 

"All right, all right ... but after you come back?"

Gen, the house is quite far and ..." I said sheepishly.

Genevieve smiled, sighing in a grimace of understanding. "Okay, go ahead Jared."

"Gen, listen, I'm sorry."

"Go. It does not matter. "She told me she obviously disappointed  
 

  
I went anyway. Gen was a treasure. Any other girl, if I dumped her for a cat, he would have made a scene, especially when it was obvious that it was a lie.

 

 

 

 

I came home and found Jensen on the couch, clearly bored and apathetic. When he saw me, you strange.

"You should not be with Genevieve?"

"I had to. Yes. But there are more. "I said, taking off his jacket.

"Why?" Asked Jensen, with the tone of someone who is not believing in a miracle evident.

"I promised that we would have seen this movie together, remember?" I said without looking at him.

"I can not believe it. Is that what you told him? "

"Truly no..ho I said I had to take care of your cat." I told him.

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Padalecki, you're all stupid." He said, laughing.

"I know." I laughed.  
 

Okay. I was an asshole, but make no mistake. I would not have forgiven disappoint Jensen. I wanted his friendship and I did not want to lose it; and then, his happiness when he saw me go home to watch the film with him, was incomparable.  
 

"I'm still in time for the film?" I asked.

"It started half an hour, asshole." I said to him, and then went on to tell me breathlessly what I was lost in that half hour.  
  


 

 

I and Jensen there  did not care highly inferences on our behalf, and we became even closer if possible.

One day while I was doing an interview, Jensen got in the way, teasing his cheek with a straw in her mouth. I moved away, smiling, embarrassed.

There had been no real contact with his lips, but the gesture, what I was going through the mind, imagine that the straw was not there, embarrassed me. He took me again to forbidden thoughts.  
 

In 2006, during the TCA, there was a curtain in which I tried to kiss Jensen, and of course I also found that on youtube, including our moments.

I do not know if I was already subconsciously attracted to Jensen. I do not know what made me do that gesture that time.

I do not know what drives me now to read more and more fan fiction on us ... if Jensen know, burst out laughing, and then kill me.

 

 

He could not know, that day, after reading a particularly erotic fan fiction and exciting to us, I was masturbating in my bed, in my room, thinking about making love with him.

Fan fiction that I had excited. Jensen and I were making love in the kitchen, which I kept him imprisoned against a kitchen counter, and penetravo. He moaned, that I pushed harder. He was so close .... I who felt so good, and I pushed harder, feeling an electric shock pervade all my painfully hard erection and so I pushed even harder, overshadowed by the pleasure ....  
 

Jensen would not have had to come just then ... just ... no.  
 

"Jared, I wanted to ask you about that scene ..."

She froze. I froze me too. Paralyzed.

"Oh, my god ..." he said, embarrassed at best, running away.

"Jensen ..." I murmured, dazed, not daring to believe what had just happened. Not daring to believe that I had just caught masturbating in my bed, on his stomach, moving like crazy.  
  


 

Runs into the bathroom and I put in the shower without daring to look at him, and he said nothing. He avoided looking at me. When it came out, the purpose of dressing, and when he managed to find the courage to face it, I went back into the living room.

 

 

POV JENSEN

  
I could not shake off the image of Jared, naked, in bed, moving. God, just missed that I eccitassi too ... what kind of situation. I want to sink

 

 

POV JARED  
"I ... I'm sorry for the embarrassment. I do not know how to apologize, "I said.  
"Do not apologize, Jared. It was my fault ... I should have knocked. Those are things that happen. Indeed forgive me. You'll hear a lot of uncomfortable ... I did not want, "he said Jensen

  
I tried to dampen that unease, saying "So, how did I do? They are promising enough? "  
But how on earth I came out, this?

 

Jensen seemed to blush, but favors me: "You were a bit 'too much noise ... the real men are quieter," said Jensen.  
"Not when they try so much pleasure," I said, just because I did not know what to say, and wondering what nonsense God had made me put in that situation absurd.  
"And you tried so much pleasure?" Asked Jensen mischievous.

  
"......"

  
"I did not know that Ruby did this effect you," he replied, and I noticed about her with the name of his character.  
"No ... I was not thinking about her ... well, if I have to tell you the truth, I do not even like it so much"

  
It was true, but I said it more than anything else to divert attention of Jensen, so he would not come to mind to ask me who was the object of my attention.  
"For real? " churches. His expression was iperscrutabile.  
"Really ..." I just said. Then he came up with an idea.  
"What do you think, Jensen? Do you think I should go with her, or let it go? "  
"What questions are they?" He asked defensively.

  
"Only if you think I should invest in this story ..." I asked him. Inside me I was hoping to tell me to give up, that was not the right woman for me. I wanted something to cling to, something that could make me hope that maybe he liked me too much as he loved me ...

 

"Mmmm ... .devi see you, Jared ..." he said, without giving me satisfaction.

"Is not an answer ... I want you to tell me if you think it's clear the woman for me"

"But it has to please you, not me," he said a bit 'annoyed.

"I'm interested in the opinion of my best friend"

"Mmmm ... well ... maybe it's too ... too ... anonymous statica..per you I guess some of the most exuberant maybe ..."

"Jensen, tell me straight out whether or not you think I should be with them!"

" **So,**   **no**!" She esplanade. Exclamation sounded so harsh, direct and decisive.

I felt like a great weight lifted. The person that I was losing my mind, my fucking head, was telling me that he thought I should not be engaged to another.

  
"Okay ... now you can hate me for the tone in which I told you, but ...."  
 

Not listened to him more ... .not'm sure I heard what he said in his endless monologue ... .my head was spinning and I continued to dwell on those two words.

 

**So no. So no. So no. So no. So no. So no.**

 

 

 

 

Fuck Kripke, the authors and the entire production of SPN. I love Jensen, not Genevieve. I do not love, and soon I'll tell him. I do not want to hurt her. You better do it now, rather than later.  
 

I really had no intention of leaving Genevieve and hit on Jensen ... I had already lost all their heads. Misty. Game. Gone. I was convinced little by little that I corresponded Jensen ... .the our hands touching as we were together with the Convention, which is touched, that were being sought. The sweet and erotic manner in which our faces ended up close to each other more and more often ... the almost hear the gasp of the other, when one came too close to his face.  
 

Our bodies who were always so close, when we were seated, when we walked ... as if they were attracted to a magnet.  
 

I was going to tell him.

Perhaps a kiss would be more important than any statement ... .dovevo only find the right time ... and above all I had to break up with Genevieve, which ultimately reports were not the best, also because of my falling in love with Jensen.

 

 

 

*  
The evening that everything was ruined, we are at a party together with the other actors of Supernatural. Jensen was very drunk that night, maybe drunk, and also I did not feel too well. We were sitting on a bench, neighbors, while everywhere disco music echoed in the villa which was held this feast. We sleep, we did not have a clear head. Jensen was about to collapse, and perhaps did not notice what he was doing, but he had his hand on my thigh, so perhaps too intimate ...

  
He did nothing. He was only resting, and I told myself that perhaps he was too drunk to notice. I upraised hand. Perhaps I had no intention of resisting. I do not even care that we were there for everyone. it was serious.

  
Maybe I would have succumbed. Maybe that night I turned off all inhibitions and I kissed Jensen.  
Unfortunately, things are never as they seem to have to go ....  
The agent of ... Misha.

  
He saw of course, we looked grim. I looked at him with a look of defiance, without taking your hand off of Jensen, and taking another sip of my drink, still without lifting eye contact.

  
He turned on and with one click angrily took me by the arm and pulled me away.  
I tried to wriggle, but he was strong.

  
Jensen ... he was too drunk to realize what was going on ....

  
Jensen ...... ..

 

 

 

 

 

POV JENSEN

  
"You get  **married?**

 

 

Perhaps the surprise was able and perceivable in my tone of voice. I see Jared try to justify himself. Or maybe I feel it, because at that time I think I was not seeing more. With my mind's eye I was just imagining ... Jared Jared married marriage ... Jared kissing Ruby and said YES ....  
"Yes, I realize that it seems rushed and hasty ... .."

 

**"Precipitous?**

 

Jared, you know her from even a year! Until yesterday you wanted to break up with her ... you remember him, right? "I asked him, worrying that he had kind of an empty memory.  
"I ... ssi, but things change ... I realized it was wrong to judge ... Genevieve is a good girl ...."  
"I thought you would marry for love, not because we are good people," I said  
Jared looked down, was unable to understand what he was thinking at that moment.  
"The ... .ami?" I asked, feeling betrayed a sissy, and I hated him for that.  
"Yes. Jensen love her. "He told me Jared. He looked into my eyes. I looked into his eyes. I tried to find any trace of insecurity or indecision, but did not find it. That broke my heart.  
"So ... I suppose to be happy for you. Congratulations, man. "I told him, trying to smile. Salirmi felt the emotion in the eyes, but maybe Jared would take it as a sign of happiness. At least one good thing.

 

"I'm happy, too, because you will be my witness," he said spiazzandomi.  
It did not seem a question. It was not, I realized immediately. Jared was asking me.  
"Jared, I can not accept ..." I tried  
"No I'm asking you ..." he told me, with a smile, but I found cold. The smile that tried to implement, came to his lips, but not in the eyes.  
Jared, why?

 

  
**"I'm happy, too, because you will be my witness."** he said, leaving me surprised.  
It did not seem a question. It was not, I realized immediately. Jared was asking me.  
"Jared, I can not accept ..." I tried  
"No I'm not asking you ..." he told me, with a smile, but I found cold. The smile that tried to implement, came to his lips, but not in the eyes.

 

 

_Jared, why?_

 

 

_Pov Jared_

 

_Force you to look at me in that church, you bastard ..._

 

that was what I thought when I asked Jensen to be my witness ...

I'm ashamed even now ..

 

 

 

 

POV JENSEN

I thought about it and I reflected again. Jared did not really want to marry Genevieve. I had not seen me happy when he announced his marriage. I had riparlargli. Try to convince him. Do not allow him to do this thing. If you were married, I would have lost forever.

 

 

 

  
_But have you ever had?_ He said the part of me, much more rational and lucid, that I persisted in trampling.

 

 

 

 

 

One day, I was sitting on a bench, to simulate indifference, as I watched Jared and Gen kissing on the set during the break. She pulled him close, kissing him, he will let him do.  
 

I felt a fool for believing that between us there was something special.

I felt a fool for believing that he would leave Genevieve just because I told you I ....

What a shame ... I shuddered with shame ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

POV JARED

 

The day of my wedding. The day should be the most beautiful of my life.

It all happened so fast ... I ... do not know if I can.

_Jensen because they're letting me do? Why do not you stop me? But why would I ... .I ... I hate you, Jensen ..._

I see her coming Genevieve, is beautiful ... the face, the dress and the hair ... ... I try to focus on her, but her face begins to get wet with tears ... and I are recovering ...

They'll think I cry for her ....  
 

I look before me my witness. Perhaps to scold him. I do not know, do not even know what it takes me to the head. He sees my tears and looks away. Maybe he thinks I'm touched.  
   
_I hate you, Jensen ..._  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we arrive at the restaurant, before entering, do the photos.

I do a while my friends take me in her arms, and the row is also Jensen. He is not participating in the embrace, but with a finger touches my coat sleeve, and I shudder.  
   
 

 

Upon entering the restaurant, I find him in front. She looks at me with a smile that melts the heart, and suddenly do not hate him anymore. Or perhaps you hate a bit 'less ... the fact is that I go toward him and hug him. The strong squeezing hug, as if I were afraid it might slipping away ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

POV JENSEN:

When you see Jared cry for Genevieve, in that church, he looked away because it hurt too much ....

When I saw him at the restaurant, I tried to put aside my selfishness, and be happy for him.

Feel close to the chest, which became even closer, attanagliandomi stomach, when I came up and hugged me.

She hugged me as always wished.  
as they embrace lovers

but maybe it was just me to see him like that.

My love for him had the bittersweet taste of the loss,

the bitter taste of defeat

the painful sweet acceptance to let it go and want to see him happy,

To fit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

POV JARED

We dance as wild, and I take much to get drunk. I go back to Jensen, and hug him again, happily, more warmly than before. I feel it in return, smiling, but a bit 'puzzled. Perhaps he realizes that I'm drunk.  
   
 

Return back ... it's my day, and everyone expects that there is for them. January if they wait, wait in January, now arriving ... suck me feel the alcohol in my veins and I am happy, yes, I feel that now I no longer feel that painful grip of steel .... Aspetatemi, come to do more photos ...

 

 

 

POV JENSEN

I see Jared resort from Jan, dance with her ... .sorrido sadly. What did I expect?

I see him cheerful, happy ....

In the words of that quote by Stephen King?

Henry did not want to look, but still watched, helpless, like a fly trapped in a spider web. Even the dream catchers were traps  
 

 

In that moment I felt like Henry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

"You go ??? But ... .because ....? "I ask, incredulous, and even a little 'disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Jensen. You're not the first and will not be the last one to be asking me to stay ... and I say to you what I said to Jared ... my time here is done "

"I leave ..." I said, in the study of Krypke, feeling much Dean Winchester, a boy of about 30 years old, with shoulder trauma of abandonment is not indifferent.

Kripke sighed and told the tale that we all know.

"My idea was to bring up to FIVE Supernatural series. After these for me there is more Supernatural. This is how it ends. "

"But ... .Supernatural can not finish! Not like this .... "I tell him, looking stupid.

"See? It's fortunate then that I go away, giving way to a director for sure much more willing ... ..tu want to continue Supernatural, is not it, Jensen? "

"Yes but…."

"The decision is made. I do not intend to discuss it further. "

"We ... we will miss you ... miss you all, and not only ... we will miss you to all the fans ... you have made Supernatural what it is ..." I tell him moved. It seemed to play, but what I said I felt it from the heart.  
 

"Fine words, Jensen. Nice words ... but actually I forget very soon ... we are all replaceable in this world ... and how is it that they say? Show must go on."  
"I do not…"

 

"And then I do not deserve your compassion, Jensen ... you were right on the agent Misha. It is a jackal ... and I did come here. I should not have and I regret ... I was weak ... "

"I do not understand…"

"You and Jared ... are my pupils, you were and you will be forever. I should not stop you from being together ... "

"Thing? As? No ... you're wrong! He, we ... "

"Relax, Jensen ... I will not reveal your little secret ... I know you're in love with Jared since you know him ... maybe even before that ... and maybe he feels the same for you ... I'm terribly sorry to have hindered your love ..."

"Listen, I think you've made a blunder colossal ..." I say, I try to throw a joke, but when I do, I see that I tremble voice ... not sound convincing.  
 

"Then why are you trembling voice, Jensen?" He asks Kripke, drinking a glass of scotch.

I can no longer speak. Someone more capable than I would have denied in every way more convincingly.

"... .It Is an infatuation for tots ... .I is long past ... I hope you ... not ... did not tell anyone ... please ... Jared must not know ... never." I implore.  
 

Kripke looks at me with a deep look and then says:

"I have not told anyone, Jensen, but let me ask forgiveness for being stupid and for being so blind ... I had not realized how deep your feelings, until Jared was not married, and I got to see you in the days, and then in the following weeks. "

 

"Enough! Enough! No longer want to talk about it ... it is a finished story. Dead. Buried. "I'm proud.

"Now you sound like Dean ... we need it is that you're talking of corpses" smiles Krypke. A sad smile.  
 

"Suit yourself, Jensen. It's your choice. I will not be here to witness your self-destruction; He, Jared has some faults. But I will not be here anymore. I will not be an accomplice in this. Especially when this situation takes me personally. "

"What ... do you mean?"

"I fell in love, Jensen ... a man ... they found out ... they gave me a choice: either you leave or you leave. I had made a mistake with you, I could maybe make another one? "

"But ... .There is OK!" I yelled. "You can not! Not for this! So that was why! I'll talk to everyone ... I will convince them ... but please stay ...... must be another way. "

"How's yours?" He said harshly Kripke.

"It is different, dammit! He and I were never together ... Jared is married! And certainly not in love with me ... if he knew I feel ... something for him ... would not miss forever ... "  
 

 

But Kripke she was no longer listening. I was desperate, almost on the verge of tears, and he said only:

"Goodbye, Jensen."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One year ago ....

   
POV JARED  
   
   
"Get your hands off me!" I tried to wriggle.

"What the hell are you gonna do, huh?" She yanked the agent of Misha.

"God ... you're more drunk of jensen, let the arm, quit it, or I'll break" I tried to scare him, but inside I was terrified.  
 

"I know you've got a crush on our beautiful model, but he does not love you," I said evil, knowing he hit me.

I growled and tried to hit him physically, and I fell to the ground. He laughed.  
 

"And what the fuck do you know ???" I shouted. I cried and cried, shamelessly. Without trying to deny.

I was still young.  
 

He laughed at me, and then said: "You know what goes around to say your love? He hates fags and that rather than have it put in that place, you priest. "  
 

" **LIAR!** "I shouted, trying to scratch his face.

He stopped me his hands behind his back and said in my ear:

"You're so sure of your love? Do you really know him well as you think? We do not know who NEVER love. NEVER."

"Jensen would never say such a thing ..." I mutter desperate.

"Oh yes? So, if this is so, why do not you ask him? "Challenged me, emphasizing the last five words slowly, smiling malignant.  
 

I sank to his knees.  
 

Defeated.  
 

To those who saw me that night I said that I could not stand up, then that was the truth.  
 

I suffered too much at that time, to go from Jensen to ask him anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, I know that I went down hard, but precisely that is a fictional story and it's all invented by me XD
> 
> ps jensen he never said that thing, the agent lied ^^


	9. The pain of renunciation

****

 

 

****

 

**The** **finals are hard. Any idiot can put down a cloth to start, but the endings are really complicated. Try to define things pending but you can not, fans will always complain and there will always be gaps and because a final is supposed to conclude a story, write it is a real pain in the ass.**

 

 

******It will not be long before Dean and Bobby will meet again. For the record, in a week, Bobby gives chase to a Ruguru just outside Dalton, but not Dean. He did not want Castiel to save him. Every part of him, every cell in his body should die or find a way to bring Sam back, but will not do anything because he made a promise.  
**

  **At this point we draw conclusions? Difficult.**

**I think it was a test for Sam and Dean, and I think if they got away.**  
**Despite the good, evil, angels, demons, destiny and God himself, they have made their choice.**

**They chose the family** ... **and well** ...

**This is not the most important thing?**

**There is no doubt** ... . **i** **finals are hard**

**But in the end nothing ever really ends, is not it?**

 

When they showed the actors the final monologue of Chuck, written and designed by Kripke himself, as farewell letter to the show, all embraced Kripke moved ... the whole production, the authors, the Crew, the main actors, and of course the protagonists, Jensen and Jared.  
 

Misha could not stop hugging and crush Kripke, arousing the concern of Jensen and Jared, who had made another idea of Misha, but that's another story .... *  
 

When he finally let go Misha Kripke, Jensen and Jared fell to greet him. Jared was visibly moved, and could not stop the tears, and for a moment, Jensen wondered if those tears were hiding something more than mere emotion.  
 

Jensen recited his hand and pretended to greet him like everyone else, but then when Kripke went away seriously, Jensen joined him in the hallway, stopping him.  
 

"Erik. Wait. Wait! "

Kripke turned. On his face a mock astonishment. He expected that Jensen would have achieved alone.

 

"Yes, Jensen? You had to tell me something? "

  
"... On the final speech ... Chuck ..." he said, trying to recover from care.  
"Tell me ... something that speech did not you like?"

  
Jensen seemed hesitant to speak.

  
"Jensen, you should hurry. I do not have all day. My plane leaves in less than an hour. "He insisted Kripke.  
"Why did you say that thing about family?"

  
Kripke looked at him, eyebrows raised in astonishment, this time, genuine.

  
She knew that part would strike deeply Jensen, but did not expect it so candidly admitted.  
"Is for Dean and Sam ... .they are a family ... and have chosen the family ..." said Kripke.

  
"I know and you know it, that the sentence was not for them, Erik."

  
Kripke looked at him seriously, and hard.

 

"Why ... how you can do this to me after what ... after what I told you? You have no idea of the impact, the shot I accused ... of how I felt .... "  
 

"Control yourself, Jensen ... you're drifting from your emotions and your feelings, which is not good for an actor." Rebuked him Kripke.

"First let me say that I have to go and then I have to repress" Jensen said almost angrily.

"And you always choose to do so on occasions wrong," said Kripke, softening the tone, almost fatherly.  
 

"You said it or did not you say to me, Jared?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you said it for us."

"Then it will be so."

"I truly enjoy seeing us suffer?" Said Jensen, almost losing control.

 

Kripke looked him seriously, and a wave of sadness hit him. Jensen thought it was pity, compassion.  
 

"Actually, no, Jensen ... .I filled with bitterness ... at the end you did like the characters of my show ... you have chosen the family, but, the difference is that Dean is Sam the family, and vice versa .... but you are not them and have chosen your family, citing another idea of family .... "  
 

Jensen was dismayed by the truth of that statement.  
 

"The message I wanted to convey was that you are not them. They have chosen the family, and even you did, it's just the concept of family is changing. "

"I ... do not ... I can follow you're saying that ... we do not" love "enough to give up the family, so, do you?" Jensen asked, lowering his voice.  
 

Kripke snorted annoyed.  
 

"No, Jensen ... I'm not saying that Sam and Dean will change the way you love yourself. Theirs is a codependency visceral, can not live without the other, and can do so because there are no emotional complications between them ... they are brothers and this paradoxically keeps them closer together than they would. They can give up on having a family themselves, for each other, because THEY already see themselves as a family.

But you ... you're not ... and this consciousness, poses a problem: "I can force the other to give to build a family, for me? Can I be so selfish? "  
 

Jensen listened open-mouthed.

 

"I just love differently. Dean and Sam can not live without each other, while you .... Would you give up each other, just to see the other happy, but it is always LOVE. "  
 

Jensen had tears in his eyes.

"I would say that I held back too much to explain this truth. Now I have to run away. "

"Kripke ... wait ... how do you know Jared loves me? "

"Jensen Jensen ... ... you did not see her tears after listening to my speech on the family? Listen to me, do not let it get away. Jared loves you, you just have to take the courage and declare yourself ... do it before it's too late ... "

"He's ... .sposato ..." said Jensen, sad.

"One more reason to get a move on, right?" Concluded Kripke.

 

 

Selfish.

True. As the gospel.

He would bring suffering to everyone, even to Jared.  
Aware.

But it could also bring joy ... .love ... feeling ...

 

 

He would have done.

  
Jared would tell the truth.

  
Fuck if he would have hated forever

  
Fuck if he would not have paid

  
And here was a bit 'of hesitation ... but could not afford to back off ... no more .... Feelings of Jared were paid ... was strong ... it just had to find the courage and ... ..  
"Jensen!" Jared yelled, stepping into his trailer.  
"Jared ... that ...".

  
"I become father, Jensen! I become father! "

 

Jensen had a sudden flashback ....

A Jared three years ago ... still ... the youngster said, looking at a magazine where there were several children:

You know, Jensen ... I always wanted to be a father ...   
   
   
   
 

  
She could make him such a thing? Destroy the happiness of a family only for his selfishness?

Up to that point he loved Jared?

How far he was willing to give him up to make him happy? Not to make him suffer?

 

"Is wonderful, Jared." Jensen said, wiping a tear fleeting.

"Hey ... what are you doing, are you crying?" Jared asked, amazed and happy emotion of his, and touched him, embraced him, kissing him on the head.

"Hey ... hey ..."

"I'm happy for you, man."  
 

And inside, another piece of his heart was going away from him.


	10. Hurricane Misha

The Tao produced the one, the one produced the two and the two produced the three.

And the three produced all beings.

Three is the door of infinity.

 

Supernatural was thought in the beginning only to Dean and Sam ... the only andabsolute protagonists, to which all the other satellites had to go around.  
  
There were no certainties. Any person who happened to Supernatural, could have diedthe following season, or maybe two seasons later ... .The only certainty were to remainonly Sam and Dean  
   
  
When they decided to enter **the angels**  in mythology, they all agreed with the fact thatthere was need of an angel that was a reference to all these angels, and that he could have become a reference for the Winchesters.  
   
  
**A guide**  
  
**A friend.**

 

They had all been in agreement with the fact that Bobby works great with this ... the Winchesters, and Jared and Jensen had a great chemistry with him, and both the characters that the actors, they saw him as easily as a second father, a guide.

  
But what they wanted to focus on the authors, Kripke at the time, and then later Carver, it was of someone who was both a mentor and friend to the Winchester.  
Bobby worked great, but it was too old.

  
The Winchester saw him as a father, he could not be their friend.

  
Maybe it got to the point to take the show in a different direction from the codependency of Winchester that was the one and only who ran and maneuvered the show.  
People had become used to this ... would soon be fed up. It needed something that stupisse, incuriosisse them.

  
There was also curious to see if it was possible for someone to come able to make inroads into the hearts of the fans, as the Winchester.

  
Someone who could not only to make inroads in the hearts of fans, but also to win the heart of Winchester and to earn his place in their household.  
Someone like Castiel.

 

 

So they snapped selections to find the would Castiel. They discarded many. Too serious, too fat, too happy, too puny, too conceited, too shy ....  
   
 

"Why is it so hard to find an angel, today?" He asked one day, Kripke, at the end of a long day switch to select and discard people.

"I do not know, sir," he replied a novelino the Crew that was sweeping the floor.  
 

At that moment, Kripke was distracted from his thoughts with a call.

Kripke was categorical:

" No! I'm not going to see another aspiring Castiel for today ... makes him say that reoccurs tomorrow "was saying Kripke, leaving finish the secretary.

  
At that moment, the door opened suddenly and Kripke looked at the man in the doorway, surprised and bewildered.

"Lord, I wanted to tell her that he's already ... was coming from you."

Kripke went down the line, annoyed.

 

 

"Excuse me, sir, but your secretary would not let go, and all day they are traveling to introduce me to this audition ... I wanted to come sooner, but my damn plane had technical contingencies and then did a delay colossal "Misha was saying in one breath, gesticulating.

  
Kripke's eyebrows, a little 'disappointed, however, hold the sprouted a faint smile.

  
"I mean, how is it possible that humans, have turned their faith and absolute blind faith in things so fickle as planes ??? I mean planes fall "Misha continued, gesturing, miming the act of falling.

  
"I suppose so," surmised Kripke, now smiling more openly.

  
"I mean, unlike the angels, who instead never fall. Of course, this, in part Lucifer ... but this is another matter, much larger ... "Misha said, and kripke was wise enough to stop it, before it had the bright idea to expand its vision.

  
"Fantastic! Fantastic! The part is yours. "He said cheerfully.

  
"What? Are you serious? But I did not do nothin ... "Misha said, smiling surprised, blue eyes shone more, for happiness, and perhaps the emphasis too, slammed against the umbrella stand next to him.

  
"Oops, I'm so sorry," said Misha, jumping up and banging his head against the top shelf.

  
"Ow."

  
"I stand corrected, the part is your IF you manage to get alive until Wednesday." He said Kripke, now puzzled. "Now go away and, before I destroy the study."

 

"What? But sir ... I came all this way .... "

  
"SAID GO AWAY!" Said Kripke, most heatedly, but more amused than angry.

  
"Right away, right away, sir. Thank you!" Said Misha and in turn, tripped over one of the boots of Kripke.  
"I M- forgive me ... goodbye ... and thank you!"  
"Close the door!"

  
When Misha closed the door, Kripke smiled satisfied.  
Castiel had found.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*  
Jensen, what is all this noise? "Asked one day Jared, on the set, referring to a rumor that he was making a racket.  
"I do not know, Jay." Jensen said, puzzled by placing sheets.

  
"It is the new one. What will Castiel. "Said one of the crew.

  
Jensen and Jared looked perplexed.

 

 

 

 

They rushed curious, towards the source of the noise, and found a weird guy with a white bandana, sunglasses blacks, who cheerfully trying to sell rags and brooms.

"Would he?" Asked Jensen to Jared.

Jared did not answer, still apparently intent on studying the strange guy.  
 

Misha when he saw the boys, he tried to sell to them the rags, but when they told him their names, he ends the charade, threw down the rags, and took off his sunglasses.  
 

"So you are the ones that ...."

"Sam and Dean do, you ... .scusa, but have you ever seen the show?" Asked Jensen.

"... I really have seen a few episodes .." Misha minds.

Jensen looked at him suspiciously.

"You're here for the part of Castiel?" Jared asked, trying to change the subject.

"In fact they are already taken!" Said Misha cheerful.  
 

Jared and Jensen looked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*  
At first it was difficult to accept Misha Jensen and Jared. Did not understand him, he seemed very different from them ... more like a speck, also, were the only two for three years in a row, and now have someone else who took part of the space that was always just them, it was hard to accept.

  
It would have been nice to say that Jensen and Jared became friends immediately Misha, who took the spark immediately, but did not. They were human beings, and as such, had limitations.

  
Misha happily chatting with everyone, he was exuberant, and always told jokes pushed or made sexual jokes, which Jensen did not like much.  
Misha would have wanted to be their friend, but it was one that would start pregare..piuttosto masked with humor. He did not want to see too much that he wanted to win their friendship.

  
He was a man who understood. He understood that for boys could be difficult to accept a new one, and then he had patience.

  
He had patience even when things did not improve, in fact, with the beginning of Destiel, Jensen and Jared seemed to look as if it was his fault, as if he had decided everything.  
So he decided to play the counterattack. He understood that the boys felt something between them, and liked to march on what the destiel to study their reactions, to provoke them. Not out of malice, but because in the end, he was intrigued by the people, liked to make them angry, the anger came first, then the feelings.  
This was Misha.

  
But it would work with j2?

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by a statement made jared and jensen that were not immediately become friends Misha and the beginning thought it was a little strange: D


	11. with all my soul that I can - first part

It was not planned that the angel Castiel riscuotesse so much success with the fans.

  
At first it was expected to remain in the show only four episodes, only to see a feedback from the fandom, it would be decided whether to continue it or not, and in fact seeing as the character of Castiel had succeeded in this intention, it was decided to make it in effect a character on the show.

  
Misha was cheerful, out of mind, witty, and in hand, joking with fans, and he was kind to everyone. soon he was worshiped not only as a character, but also as an actor.  
Castiel was having success.

  
Misha was bizarre. Jared and Jensen put us a bit 'to get used to his being extravagant.

  
Jensen thought it was strange, reciting even more strange and asked one day own a cameraman:

  
"But he made the audition? How the hell reads! And then his voice! "

  
Jensen fact did not understand what he did Misha to his voice, which normally was light and cheerful, and when it was Castiel became low, slow and deep.

 

 

Jared and Jensen were in agreement on the strangeness of Misha, in fact, it happened that they passed in front of his caravan, and they saw him eating in a corner, quietly, alone and thoughtful.

  
"What do you think about it? "He asked one day Jared Jensen

  
"I do not know, man ... this is good, but ... it is really strange ... so strange," said Jensen.

  
For the first time, when it came Misha did sign and said, "Here it is. Here it is. The strange. "

 

 

 

These attitudes have aroused the attention of Kripke, who, one day, he summoned them to his studio, also with Misha, and rebuked them, and it was all very embarrassing.  
"What we, the crèche? We do work of estrangement? Or incitement to bullying? "Said Kripke, and the boys felt blaze.

  
"Come on, do not be so hard, Erik. I do not take it. I know that kids do to play, and I do not take. Bullying is another thing. "He said Misha trying to calm tempers, and winking at the boys.

  
Agent Misha secluded in a corner, was instead very seriously. It was clear that he was a spy.

  
"Misha, believe us, we did not want to laugh at you. We never did. "Jared minds, but sincerely sorry about the situation.  
"I have very disappointed, guys," she said calmly, Kripke.  
The hearts of boys sank.

 

 

With the start of destiel, things will not improve. Jensen suffered the fans for this new couple, and wondered if, this tendency to want to force the men, was due to an ill-concealed attraction and an ill-concealed feelings toward Jared, that people had still perceived.

  
One day, Misha surprised him, going to sit next to him on the steps.

  
"You know, maybe you want with men because women die all in Supernatural." Misha said to calm the situation, biting into a sandwich with ham and cheese.  
Jensen muttered: "How do you know that I was thinking about that?"

  
"You always think of that, Jensen." Misha chuckled.

  
Again genuine sincerity of Misha, disarmed him. This was very similar to Castiel.

  
"Listen, it is not as it may seem. I'm not homophobic or ... whatever you can think of. "Felt clarify Jensen.  
"The best if you take it in my place, fans scippassero you and Jared?" Misha asked, without answering, and even surprising.  
Once again, the clearing. I gaped at her before answering.  
"Once it was so ..."

  
"And why is it over?" He asked Misha clearly referring to the ship.

 

"It has never begun," said Jensen, pulling back her hair.

  
It made almost immediately realized what he had just said and exclaimed in awe: "Oh ... tu..tu you referring to the ship," he said.

  
Misha gaurdava him with raised eyebrows and a grin that did understand perfectly that it had sgam.

  
"So ... tell me how that turned out ... with Jared ... or never started. I LOVE the stories that have no beginning and no end ... "Misha said, urging.

  
Jensen told him everything. It was a long story. He also told of his marriage, and how, almost out of spite, even married him three months later, and he chose Jared as a witness. How he had foolishly decided to send everything to hell, until Jared told him he would become a father, and they stopped.

  
"Mmmm, this yearning of love, makes me wonder: could not you do it too as my wife and Victoria? "  
"Excuse me?"

  
"Have you ever read Threesome?" Misha asked.

 

"I ... I heard about it ... but ... I think it's time ???"

"Why? It seems appropriate, however. If you had done like us, you would have been able to remove some sfizio..ovviamente both partners must be willing .... "Misha said.  
 

Jensen was about to go away, and then turned quickly:

"FOR ME NOT ONE WHIM!"  
 

  
Misha was shocked by the sudden revelation of Jensen, Jensen was older than him, but it was nothing compared to the expression of Jared, before him, hearing him scream like that.  
 

"What ... what it is not a whim for you, Jensen?" Jared asked, hesitantly.

"I nothing! Let me go! "She told him nervous, dodging.

 

 

Jared stopped to look at Misha, as if it were his fault.

"What did you say?" She asked him hard.

"Why do not you go ask him?" Misha asked, without hiding frown amused.

Jared looked at him with hatred, knowing that, with Jensen lately things were not going well, and that if he had wanted to tell her right now, certainly not after gliel'avrebbe said. It was totally unnecessary to go back to him. And Misha, he knew. He threw another look annoyed, and then he left, too.

 

*

  
Misha leaders that perhaps that intervention was inappropriate, and that the feelings of Jensen to Jared were deeper than he had realized at first, however, hold not apologized. It was not from Misha. Rather they were more frequent glimpses of concern, the gentle smiles, the most frequently ask Jensen as he was, or inform him of the news that concerned destiel and ask him if he approved or not a sentence that would have said about it, not to risk saying something that would be inappropriate.  
 

Jensen was aware of this change of Misha towards him, and appreciated the attention. Garments that under them there was hidden the concern of her. Misha worried. He wanted to show his solidarity, and he did so without a word, but with simple gestures of attention, with smiles, trying to make him feel better ... trying to distract him, and covertly had also demonstrated the will of his friendship.

Jensen had understood and was beginning to like it.  
   
   
 

  
If Jensen was initially annoyed destiel, the beginning of friendship with Misha, she made it less disturbing. On the one hand it was tender, though, every time I thought it was easy to go with the mind to the memories of the last ship with Jared, and on Wincest ... and every time he seemed to feel a twinge of pain.  
 

However, Misha would not let him stay long focused on these thoughts and Jensen was thankful.

 

If Jensen and Misha are approaching, Jared and Jensen's hand, moving away more and more.

  
Neither quite understood why, and neither was the courage to ask the next, they were lost in their own personal pain.

  
Jared was stifled by the feeling he felt for Jensen, who tried to suppress, as if someone was trying to smother him with a pillow.

  
Jensen felt the air fail him in the same way, only that the vision that came to the assistance of him, he was like a man who were drowning. It was what I felt was happening. Drown.  
Each of the two blamed each other of their discomfort, and blind in their pain, were given also to blame each other for the apparent indifference that the one seemed to feel for each other.

  
When you love, you see everything in a distorted way. The pain becomes distorted.  
The pain becomes shadow matter and makes a mockery even of love.

 

 

 

The night marked the beginning of degradation, Jared was witnessing yet another chat, with Misha Jensen, secluded. He was sitting at a table,with Mark Sheppard, he drank a Coke, sucking through a straw, and securing them sideways.  
 

Probably the phrase "we march on to make to gay" was in some way caught by Jensen, who, dismayed and angry, had approached shipped to Jared.  
 

"What did you say?" He asked Jensen with a low growl, while Mark looked at him frightened, and Misha tried to stop him, sensing an impending tragedy.  
 

"Excuse me?" Jared said, in a tone of sufficiency, trying to sound arrogant.

"Repeat what you said" challenged him Jensen.

"What's up? you have enjoy doing gay to make you endear the fans, but when you hear him say, bothers you? "Jared asked, not daring to look at him, and hating himself for what he had just said.  
 

Jensen tilted his head, as if he were laughing, or perhaps to hold back, the fact is that then when you turned, dropped angrily punched on the face of Jared.

 

jared surprise, fell to the ground, knocking the table.  
 

Mark got scared a lot and was immediately around Jared, while Misha tried to hold Jensen, but the latter dodged.  
 

Jensen trembled to see Jared, the ground, that is holding her face. And only for a few seconds, it was invaded by remorse and guilt. Only for a few seconds he would have liked to throw knees, see if he had done too badly, or beg for forgiveness.  
 

The monster inside of him, however, raged again: "It does not bother you, however, when for gay, we spend together, huh?? It seemed to me that you was fine then. ". "  
 

Jared resumed unexpectedly forces and launched with fury and blind rage against Jensen, returning the first punch.

 

The fury with which he lashed out at him, Jensen brought down to earth. They both fell over each other, and began a fight melee.  
Within a few minutes, Jared and Jensen were assaulted by numerous arms that were trying to divide them.

 

 

 

 

*  
Were called, they rolled up, and severely reprimanded by Jeremy Carver.

  
"They told me that there was a fight! I demand an explanation, "said Jeremy, raising his voice and banging his fist on the table.  
Jared and Jensen were locked in a stubborn silence.

  
"All right ... as you wish ... stand your silly secrets ... just do not replay never such a thing, I said ???"  
The boys nodded, unable to speak.

  
"No one will ever know. The SPN Family, is strong, joyful, and especially UNIT. Clear?"  
The boys nodded again, while inside they felt a lump in his throat.  
"And now gone."

  
The boys did as ordered, without saying a word, before Jeremy will call back again.  
"And ... guys ..."

 

Jared and Jensen are running simultaneously.

  
"I do not know what problems you have, but you take them, you will roll them, you will make bassoon and will not forget, because it will not take more head shots. Clear?"  
The boys nodded, sad.

 

 

Jared had surrounded a block of ice in a towel and if kept him on the eye, which had appeared a conspicuous bruise.

Jensen saw him and broke his heart.  
 

Jared saw him coming and put the towel, so as not to see that weakness.

He not is looking at him, and so he saw that Jensen had picked up the towel.

When resented again on the ice, this time applied to Jensen, widened his eyes and was unable to hide a wince.

"Sorry," Jensen said, his voice breaking, lightly rubbing the cloth on the eye.  
 

Jared closed his eyes for a few seconds, overwhelmed by too strong an emotion he could not control.

When he realized that this emotion were **tears** , she got up abruptly from his chair and left, although now Jensen had seen shining on his face.  
 

She looked away, with a broken heart.  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jen says that the first time he saw that which has worked as a strange, who played in an even more strange and then he did not understand what he did to his voice, so that turning to one of the cameramen even asked him "Hey! But he auditioned ??! What the hell is doing, how the hell reads and his voice then !! " (The famous acting on camera !!)  
> The same has happened with that Jar recite together before she saw him do weird things, or when he and Jen were passing in front of his caravan to go to them, they saw him eating in a corner, quietly, alone and thoughtful. Jar asked what he thought Jen and Jen for the first few times the answer "I do not know, friend and 'good ... but yes this is really strange !! really strange", so that for the first time every time I crossed it did sign and said "Here ... here it is .... the strange !!"  
> But then, when they saw who was really like working and they could not do pleasant to become attached to him and admire his work.
> 
> * The phrase on love that turns into shadow matter is taken from the fantastic book: Dreamcatcher - Stephen King!


	12. with all your soul that can - the second part

POV JENSEN  
After that, me and Jared we have not spoken out on the set of Supernatural ... .they were the times of the sixth season, with Sam without a soul, and I was playing a particularly difficult not understanding that I was not with my brother, just as he found it difficult to play the soulless Sam.

  
Sometimes I thought he liked to recite the soulless Sam, and it was something I said in several interviews. I think depends on the fact that he could be indifferent to everything and not have to hide, as among other things, was his real state of mind at that time ....

 

If I thought, foolishly, that Jeremy might forgive the fact that we were not speaking, we were wrong. He did not.  
He planned the episode 6 x 15 "actors for strength."

  
He did it to punish us, or perhaps to make us understand where we were wrong.  
The odiammo at that time. Both me and Jared.

  
We could not understand how something like that could help us. We saw him as a punishment silly and childish, and that's it.

 

Instead fools we were.

Looking back now, I realize that now be at the reactions of millions of fans who are shocked wondered if it was an episode-by-case based on reality, people who went to ask around or on the Internet, if it was true that I and Jared we talked, shook me to the core. Jared shook.

Their concern for us was moving.

The memory of the bond that united us for this, it was painful.

The awareness of being part of something wonderful, to provoke sadness or longing for someone else - for many people - it was heartbreaking.  
 

We did not understand it right away though.

When they let us see the episode, we were devastated. Review it was no less painful than shoot it, except that we were more aware of what we had done, and out of the set.  
 

Carver looked at us severely, without saying a word, as a challenge to want to ask him why, but we did not.

 

The same day, however, crossed Jared as he walks away from his trailer. We looked sad, both, and then walked towards each other.  
A wall separated us, but had embraced, despite everything, though we had not spoken at all.  
Would it be romantic to say that, so it was over.

  
But no.

  
we hear voices away from us, spirited discussion, we parted surprised and we headed to where they came from those screams.

 

  
Heard voices far away from us, spirited discussion, we parted surprised and we headed to where they came from those screams.

 

"I can not believe you suggested TU Carve to turn that incident to the boys!" Misha was screaming.  
"Now calm down, Misha"

  
"A horn! Did you know the problems they have with each other, and you did it on purpose ... to hurt them ... .Six unscrupulous ... .I do not want you as an agent, "said Misha out of control.

  
"I'll pretend not to hear, because I see that you're upset and not good reasons ... Misha, tries to reason ... wrong to think they are your friends, they'll laugh ... and they steal the stage presence .... You're not even a regular on the show, I think you should leave and exploit other opportunities. "  
"I do not care to be the absolute star of the show! The show Jared and Jensen and I will not steal anything ... regarding Supernatural, I feel so lucky to be part of it, who do not will never leave voluntarily. "

  
"You are a fool and you can not do business." He growled softly agent.

  
"I think you should choose you another pupil who can appreciate your unorthodox methods for making success ..."  
The agent laughed and then mocked him:

 

"You think you're a big celebrity, but you will not even get you out of the seventh season, you'll see. And it'll be just fine, so maybe you'll learn how to behave "  
 

"I think Mr. Misha Collins has demonstrated all too well how to behave, Mr. Redgard." He said, behind him the voice of Jeremy Carver.  
 

"Jeremy ...." He said the agent surprised "noi..stavamo just discussing, quietly."

"Quietly, I ... .girano rumors about her, Redgard .voci ... that I would not believe ... rumors of blackmail and extortion against none other than Erik Kripke himself."

"SCIENCE FICTION. Slander "said the agent, surging. "I do not really believe that I have such power ... even on Kripke ..."  
 

"I do not have the evidence to make it stop, unfortunately, but the council did not set foot in here, otherwise find a way to find them, although there are ... I make myself clear?"  
 

The agent laughed and then mocked him:

 

The agent seemed to fight the urge to scream or vomit, and then blurted out:  
"You are just a bunch of failures. Your stand in the broth, and keep that failed, "he said, pointing Misha" and also those other two boiled fish, rather take a nice orgy all together. "

  
Then gunfire inside his car, tires squealing as they could.

  
After that absurd scene, Jeremy nodded as if to say that they would talk later. Perhaps their leaders need to be alone for a while '.  
Only three of them.

  
They looked. Jensen and Jared watched Misha in a different light now.  
He had proven to be anything but a clown.

  
He had proven to be a man in one piece, which is not interested in the success, or money, but that really takes the show in which he stars, so much to pass on to the fact that it was not a regular character.

  
He kept so much to them to have them even defended the waves of an episode of Supernatural.

  
He had been watching them so well as to be able to catch a glimpse of their obvious suffering for that situation and be left disappointed.  
"I'm sorry about the scene you witnessed ..." debuts Misha embarrassed to have been caught while losing such control.

  
"Someone had four cantargliene the wrecking ball" said Jared.  
"And you friend, you have been wonderful ...." He added Jensen, impressed.

 

"Yeah ... we could not understand anything, forgive us if we were emeritus ass" Jared said, scratching his head.  
 

Misha could not believe what was happening. He had made inroads in the heart of j2.  
 

"This means that we will put to cheer destiel?" He asked cheerfully.  
 

The boys rolled their eyes heavenward, and Misha chuckled, putting both his arm around her, and walking with them.

 

 

 

*

 

POV JENSEN

Jared and I were two bodies fell to the ground, crashed like we were precipitated from a building, and Misha had collected, and had us back together.  
   
   
 

 

*

  
Only now he realized that Jeremy had left apparently convince the agent of Misha, a store for that little act of cruelty, as far as "Actors by force", to give us a jolt.  
 

Following garments that Jared had understood the profound motive of this act, and it showed, noting that every time he had the chance, the 6 x 15 was his favorite episode.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then, it is true that Misha says his agent he wanted to convince to leave the show because it was not regular character in the sixth series, and he refused, saying that Supernatural was like family to him and would not go away :))  
> NOT TRUE: everything else is all invented by me, including the name of agent. All fantasy.
> 
> it is true that Jared said repeatedly that your favorite episode was the 6 x 15, just as he said he liked to recite the soulless Sam. For the rest we have stitched a little above
> 
> I think he understands that "with all my soul that I can" is dedicated to the sixth series and the soulless Sam, but also to the intense feelings of our three protagonists: D


	13. What is real?

 

"Hey, this wound is reale..non is the past and it is not hell, it is now. You cut me and I sewed up for good. Feel. "  
"Ah."

"We treat the wounds better .."

"This pain is different, right? The bullshit that make you crazy.

I'm different, right ?? "I am real, Sam, believe in me."

"I think so…."  
   
 

  
"Believe in me, okay? You have to believe in me, you can not destroy everything, I have a certainty "

 

Jared felt as trapped in a kind of bubble, as if he had never left the second episode of the seventh season of Supernatural, as if he, like Sam, Lucifer felt ... as if he was losing his mind, as if he does not most distinguish reality from hallucinations ...  
 

But for him, there was Jensen to help him get back on track.  
   
 

  
He remembered well when Jensen had gone in his trailer and told him that he had something to say ...

It was a few inches from his face, his expression serious and profound. She looked at him straight in the eye. A Jared seemed almost sighed, and for a moment thought he was absurd for him a kind of statement.  
 

But no. She had told him that his wife was pregnant with their first child.  
 

  
POV JARED

 

 

Maybe it was just my sick mind that I suggested you were going to tell me something else ... something more important ... for a moment I try to speak their minds, because everything I expected except that ... I'm confused. Did not you say you wanted to wait for him to finish Supernatural, to have a child?  
 

"Wow, Jensen, is wonderful" I tell you, hugging you, as beautiful as they are consummate actor.  
 

"I thought you said you wanted to wait until the end of Supernatural." I said, trying to sound nonchalant.  
 

My sick mind perhaps, send to my brain, your eyes perhaps sad ... but I must have imagined clearly ... how could you be sad ... you're about to become a father ...  
 

"Danneel wanted him so much ..."  
 

I'm sure I had not misunderstood this time the tone of your voice, and I would almost wonder if you desired it, but I stopped just in time. How can I be so cynical?

"Congratulations, Jensen." I just tell you, as a perfect coward, which are ...  
 

  
"Believe in me, okay? I have a certainty! "

I would have liked to hear these words from you too.

 

 

*

shortly after the birth of the child of Jensen, Genevieve also became pregnant with our second child. Maybe I wanted it. Maybe it happened.

No. I wanted. At all costs. To spite Jensen.

But regardless of what? Jensen will be only glad that our children will grow up together.

Because I thought such a thing? It is my brain. My brain goes away, does not think more. Perhaps Lucifer has not really ever gone altogether.  
   
 

  
My mind clouded me back images and memories of ... I do not know what date was the sixth season. We were at the beginning. Jensen and I had not yet had a fight ...  
 

Jensen said something that struck me immediately:

"If you keep up with me so close, it ends up that I can not remember the lines," he joked.

"I'll give you this effect?" I told him provocative, approaching him, although his sentence had made me come an empty stomach.

 

I was bare-chested. I had done it back up the wall, he had embarrassed smile, and I was happy with this feeling of power that almost seemed to have on him.  
But it was really the power then?

  
Or maybe he was just teasing?

  
"Come on, tell me again what effect do you do, Ackles." I told him, imprisoning him to the wall, so that he could practically move.  
It seemed that his smile vanished, his eyes flickered. He lost a moment.

  
My saliva was cleared.

  
And at that time, the director called us to resume filming ...  
The moment was gone. and he was no longer taken up.  
I wonder if it really happened then or if it was only a dream ......

 

*  
Jensen does not seem happy with the news of the second pregnancy of my wife.

  
I admit I almost hoped it was so, then I realized I was being stupid.

  
He was not jealous, it was just angry because he stole the scene about a star of Supernatural was pregnant.  
I am ashamed of these thoughts. Jensen also met Thomas. I remember that fans would be crazy to have a group photo in all four, me and Genevieve, and Jensen and Daneel with the children ...

  
But we have always avoided surprise us. The only photos that have captured, one click stolen, when Jensen was picked Thomas ....  
Or When Genevieve wrote on Twitter that we were going to see the birth of little Ackles ...

  
Do not misunderstand. I was happy about becoming a father and Jensen was the same, but we were jealous of each other ... now I know ... could not stand the idea that one could have children with another person ....

 

We were human, after all. When you're human you have any thoughts about that then you're ashamed.  
 

Sometimes it was better though. Sometimes we could be better than that then basically we were not.

Sometimes I felt genuinely happy for him. One day at a convention, a fan asked:

"Album Single Jensen?" Jensen replied that focused on being an actor and I said, "and father ... actor / father.

Jensen was happy with what I said. He looked happy and said: Jared Padalecki. My personal publicist. "  
   
 

  
Perhaps because of my frequent guilt, one day, responding to a question on how we want to be, while the fans they suggested: "Less high." I answered:

"I want to be generous. I do not want to be less high, but I want to be generous, sincere and genuine ... "  
 

Jensen smiled and replied: "You are, friend ..."

That sentence he warmed the heart. You wished that were true.

 

These cute moments never last long enough though. They were not long lasting.

  
I felt I was drowning, and from the summer 2013, when the eighth season ended, my appearance was increasingly unkempt, my face worn. I was losing weight.  
Jensen is not doing better. He had a beard and looked distressed.

  
Too taken by our pain, not we realize that the other suffer.  
This is the human crap.

  
What was real? I realized that jealousy was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real things:
> 
>  
> 
> She asks how you would describe Jared says it is difficult to describe, so instead he would be described as  
> Jared: I want to be generous ..  
> Fan: less high!  
> Jensen: Yes!  
> Jared: I do not want to be less high, but I want to be generous, sincere and genuine ...  
> Jensen: you are, friend  
> Single album for Jensen? "No". No plan. It focuses on being an actor. Jared: "and father! Actor / father!"


	14. Don't ever let it end

POV JARED

  
The eighth season of Supernatural was the heaviest ever. Even worse the seventh, where Sam's head was scrapped.

  
I do not know what we expected. We thought it would be a GREAT season. Dean returns from Purgatory, Sam recalls a life with Amelia ... .i flashback ... misunderstandings and the distance between brothers .... Tests to close the gates of Hell ...

  
Gentlemen, there was stuff to make your head spin.

  
Yet it was a fiasco.

  
Let's face it ... the ratings were always high.

  
But fans were disappointed.

 

Not so much from history, but mostly by myself.  
 

That's the thing that bothers me the most. I have always wanted to give my best. I guess I always gave my best.

I LOVE my character. And I think that presumptuously, until before the eighth season, fans loved him ...  
 

Clear, Dean has always been the favorite. I could never compete. He has always been the angel, the hero in need of affection.

The older brother who would do anything for his little brother ...  
 

Unlike me ...  
 

At first I'd even taken a bit '... with Carver.  
 

What have you done? You ruined my character ... I HATE fans, have the courage to tell him one day, with hesitation. He was always the boss, after all.  
 

He turned upset and angry, dicendomene of all colors.

 

I should not dare to blame him.

  
It was my fault.

  
I was feeling that I had with the actress who played Amelia

  
I was not even I struggled a bit 'to simulate a crumb of passion or feeling  
I was static, apathetic, indifferent, depressed ....  
"I'm not a fucking depressed okay ???"

  
Carver turned around, looking at me with curiosity and told me quizzically: "I was talking to Sam, Jared ..."  
I realized too late that I discovered.

  
"You're depressed, Jared? Jared, where are you going? "He said, before I closed the door behind him.

 

I realized then that it was useless to blame Carver..lui not involved. The story was brilliant. Even the fact that the brothers were so divided it was ... it was not to be the story ... I was wrong ... I

  
Often I read of many fans who criticized the script and I felt guilty ...

  
Then I read that criticized me and I felt a bit 'better, because I deserved it ...

  
But after five seconds I hung up feeling angry ...

  
Okay, it's true, I acted in an indifferent, static, apathetic ... without emotion ...  
But what the hell do they know about what I was going through, huh ??  
They had no right to judge.

  
But I should not blame them. Jensen. It was with him that I had to take it, it was just damn fault.  
I had become a piece of shit, you bastard, heartless, insensitive, bad, useless, incomprehensible, hateful, cold, even brain-damaged ....  
Because of him ....

 

 

  
Knock Knock.

  
"There's nobody out there." He sputtered wearily, sitting in a chair, with his headhanging down, too much wine.  
Jensen comes in, and I do not get up even look. I know I'm reduced to a pitiful stateand still have the costumes for Sam on.  
"Are you going to sleep with that?" He asks Jensen.

  
I do not I look up, and say only: "Maybe. They're a great pajamas to sleep. "I say, whileI pour more wine into a glass.  
"Is that what you think of the clothes your character?"  
Hit and sunk.

  
"What I think all. now widespread opinion is that I do sleep, the second one is that I induce homicidal instincts ... "  
"On that I agree ...."

  
Rest a bit 'in silence and then I make the most banal question ...  
"What are you doing here, Jensen?"

  
"Carver told me that you're depressed ..."

 

 

Carver, of course ... that son of ... and obviously had not been an idea of Jensen come and see how I am ... was ... Carver.  
 

"LO are you?" I asked Jensen, approaching a bit ', and seems genuinely concerned, almost softened.

But I do not let that fool you.

"Why do you pretend to be concerned about?"  
 

Stop acting ... I wanted to add.  
 

Jensen furrows his eyebrows and asks me:

"You're drunk. It is alcohol that makes you talk. Stop it! "

"You- not - dirmi- I have to do," I say with a voice to little boy, slowly.

 

 

Maybe I collapsed to the ground.  
   
 

 

"What happened to you, Jared? You were always so cheerful, so full of life ... joyful ... you're becoming a shadow of yourself ... I heart-wrenching to see you so ... I'm your friend .. "

"Fine words, but because you tell me now?"

"You think it's simple approach you with this behavior?"  
 

I giggled.  
 

"The truth is that you were too wrapped up in yourself to understand what was happening to me !!!" almost cry.  
 

Jensen looks at me aghast. I knew that I was hurting but I could not stop.

Yet he is seeing him so hurt I was almost me want to stick it to the wall and kiss him ...  
 

"I do not break your face, just because you're upset and do not know what you say ..."  
 

Okay..niente kisses. No fucking kisses.

 

"You're just ... worried about the show ..."

  
"Jarod, what the fuck are you saying?"

  
"You're worried about keeping the brothers seem to have no more ..."

  
"And our tune, Jared? Our??"

  
Wavered. Outcome. And then coldly, without looking at him, I tell him:

  
"Perhaps we no longer have the tune of a time ..."

  
Jensen is speechless, and I pray to all the saints who are in heaven, give me a hand ... because it really can not stand the silence of disappointment, that look ...  
"You can not be serious ... we're friends ..." I say, to get closer, and I want to die.

  
"... You have to admit, Ackles ... all things come to an end sooner or later ... maybe we ..."

  
I can not hold back a tear, a betrayal, I slipped from his cheek ... almost rolls away ...

 

 

Jensen thought that I would have punched him and instead pulls the wall against which I was leaning and wince.  
 

The heart begins to beat faster and I do not know if it's fear of failure or punch because I see the eyes of Jensen straight in front of me, and are liquid.  
 

Someone had stuck a rostrum in my heart and turned, looking for the point to which produced more pain.  
 

"Forgive me." I tell him, putting a hand over his eyes.

"I can not." I said to him, tortured. Like me.

And then he's gone.

 

 

I knew at that moment, that was the end of our friendship.

I did not know how we were going to continue Supernatural and play the part of loving brothers in those conditions.

Perhaps the brothers would never be returned accomplices as before. And it was all my fault.  
 

In my heart I kept telling myself to be better than this, to try to make peace with Jensen. If I reached him now perhaps could still forgive me ... maybe ... maybe ...  
 

But I was too weak. I felt too much pain.  
 

When he was approached to me that way just before, I felt chills throughout the body. Salivation reset. Beating faster. Breathlessness.

Not bad for someone who had just said to his best friend not to try anything ...  
 

I just had to do with reason and would come back all right, I had to believe it.

By the time I could disinnamorarmi him and all this will seem like only a vague memory of a dream ... or a nightmare ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

*

Some time after ...... ..  
   
 

 

 

POV JENSEN  
 

It was night. I was looking at the stars through the window closed.  
 

"What's up?"

"I do not know ... I was thinking ... or perhaps remembering ... sometimes I remember everything perfectly, other times empty. As if even I lived ... "  
 

I do not ride. After a few seconds I come wrapped in warm and welcoming arms, wrapped in her blue linen shirt.

I surrender against those arms. I let it lull me.

The way it does so is extremely sweet ....  
 

He caresses her back, in an invitation to turn around, which I reply slowly. I turn and meet his eyes.  
Green.

Hot. Desserts. Gentili. Sereni.

Draws me toward the mouth, gently, slowly, gently, as if to chase away all my worries. Only with his love.

I respond to the kiss lightly smacking his mouth, savoring the way the sweetness and tenderness of the moment full of love.  
 

Do not spend too many seconds before Jared recovers his hands on me.

A first-hand to lean on my chest, gently, then more pressing, until you get to grab me by the shirt and draw me to him.  
 

He puts me on the bed, kissing me on the neck, almost starving, panting.

He caresses his back in touch more and more possessive, and then passes to the legs.

 

 

 

He always did, even when we were still together.

  
I always felt his touch as possessive, almost to want to make it clear that I was his, his property.  
She always did and I let him do.

  
He was the one from embracing okay, but who was that behind the scenes of the set, the arm always came in earning bloopers to no end?  
It was my way to encourage you ... to tell you: I perceive this possessiveness, and that's fine. Continue!

  
Keep strusciarti on me, to bury your head in the crook of my neck and strusciarla like a cat ... as if to hear everything, taste everything about me ...  
MI love so much, Jared?

  
The way you seek physical contact with me so so visceral, it makes me feel so loved ...

  
We are different, even though I feel the same as I love, I have always been afraid to touch you in a way too intimate ... I was scared, I was unsure, I was ashamed ... perhaps embarrassed that you would understand what I needed you. I would not be able to hide it, and then what would you think?

  
But you're different ... you are not afraid to express your feelings, or to show your weakness in loving someone so deeply. But I can not do it.

 

 

 

I was not able ....

We are there on the bed, hugging each other, like two teenagers in love.

You are on top of me and I will shake your shoulders stronger, because, if it is true that you are the more expansive, I became dependent on your attacks. I'll never let go.

I will not let you go.  
 

How many degrees is the love?  
 

MI by a wet kiss to die, and then you undress frantically, and help me to do the same.

Not that we had much on him anyway.  
 

Take the handcuffs with a mischievous look on his face painted, but before you can tie me his wrists to the keyboard of the bed, I tell you:

"Jared? Forget the handcuffs, they do not serve ... "

You look at me with gentle eyes, and a bit 'puzzled.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yes. I do not have intenzion anymore of run ... "I say, smiling sweetly, trying to convey all the love that I can.

 

 

Launches handcuffs in a corner of the room without even paying attention to where they ended, because your eyes were closed and his mouth too busy kissing me.  
   
   
   
 

 

 

 

 


	15. I saw granite certainties crumble under the caress of a look

POV JENSEN

  
I am with Danneel, at an outdoor restaurant in Piazza Vancouver.

  
We have a break from filming and asked her to come.

  
I needed to see it, I told her.

  
I was sick. The fight with Jared had me exhausted. I could not believe that I had said those things.  
I desperately wanted to distract me.

  
While we waited for our orders, I try to imagine the mind.

 

I and Danneel in disco, while we take a drink at a table.

The damn flash (lights )

Immediately I knew it was wrong word ... the lights flashanti made me think of Jared.  
 

I tried again ... it's night, we are on the top floor of the nightclub, on our side the metal bars that protect us from the height.

I'm drunk and I fully support her ...

Full of desire ...

She smiles at me ...

 

And then comes Jared to break the spell, of course.

  
Or maybe just my vision ...

  
I shake myself from it, because I see his, in the middle of the square, which is looking at me.

  
Danneel is still talking to me, he turned his back, and did not notice, and I have to make use of all my self-control to counter expression, I put a hand over her mouth, as if to give notice to my face to regain control, feigning indifference, after seeing him.

  
Pretend you did not see the expression on his face ...

  
Pretend that I do not remember a phrase I read once:

  
"I saw granite certainties crumble under the caress of a look"

 

 

 

POV JARED

*  
Of all the people I could meet, why Jensen with his wife?

It was a bad idea to come here ...  
I was standing when I saw them

 

 

And right now I feel the need to sit down ...

My friend asks me if it's okay, I cover my hand with my eyes not to show they are shiny, I smile and say that it's okay ..

 

 

 

 

*  
It is midnight. I'm in my trailer, I think al'espressione Jensen, who seemed to change when he realized that surprised them.  
It's funny but I could almost have a little 'upset.

  
Maybe he did not expect to see me there.

  
Maybe try a little 'affection for me.  
I smile.

  
I remember an Italian song, in particular in some ways:

 

_Hold on,_ I'm _not tired_

I _always keep_ in _your memories_  
_And_ then shine, do not turn off

We _scratching as not_ to _heal the signs_  
_And you're cold rain_

You're _like_ a _storm_ of _emotions_  
_then_ he _passes._

_Lightning, thunder,_ it's _been_ so  _little_  
And I'm already alone

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps: I put the photos to better understand the expressions that make the characters, If some photo is inappropriate, just tell me and take it off :)
> 
> pps: Jared thinks that the song refers to the song of modà: "I'm already alone." ^^  
>     
>    PPPS: the sentence of jensen Lights flashanti, because it is a convention, Jared had turned away for a moment and he had felt lost, saying: "Jared, where are you? I can not do it without you ... all these lights ... xd


	16. The love that awaits, the love that is rewarded by the return

panel of J2

__

"When I was asked the question if the J2 would do what Sam and Dean have done Sacrifice, Jared gave this long answer, but eventually said yes, if he had the chance to put an end to all evil, you kill.

Then the question was turned on Jensen and he had no need even to think about it a second, he said yes.

yes he will forget to save the entire world for Jared, in a moment.  
There was not even a second's hesitation. "

 

That was what they would write the fans in attendance at the convention in Los Angeles, in 2013, shortly after the final broadcast of the eighth season of Supernatural.

Jared did not expect such a response from Jensen and gasped.

Even he thought that Jensen would never admit such a thing in front of everyone.

He did not know how this could happen. He knew only do fans of Supernatural so excited for the season finale, complimenting so much with Jared for his skill, his tears, realizing the contribution that caused emotional, had shaken both he and Jared.  
 

They had not seen the final.

They knew that it was great, but perhaps, too, taken by their misunderstandings, they had failed to qualify relay beauty.

Talk again of the emotions felt by the characters was their status as forcibly talk again of their relationship, their bond.

Unexpectedly, however, it did not hurt, as could be expected.

Smiles, laughter, jokes, shimmering looks ....

That was what he saw in the eyes of Jared, that's what he felt.

A heat radiating around the chest talking about Sam and Dean and perhaps also of Jensen and Jared.

 

Perhaps it was for this reason that, let go, and he said that thing, and he knew he was sincere.  
He saw the surprise in the eyes of Jared and his family now so puppy-dog eyes look at him in a sort of silent gratitude.  
Maybe they wanted to still fine after all.  
as they were preparing to get to the airport and return to Los Angeles, and families, Jared came up:  
"Thank you for what you said at the convention. That was nice. "  
"Ohh..è was more than nice. It was true. "Jensen smiled.  
Jared looked at him with serious eyes.  
"What's up? You know that I never lie to my fans. "Jensen chuckled, a bit 'offended.

 

It was a flash of movement. Jared hugged him.  
 

"Jared? I did not know enough so little to crack you up. "Jensen said with a chuckle.  
 

"Jared?" He repeated, when he saw that Jared was left them embraced, not moving, and when she saw him sobbing, squirmed a little.  
 

"Jared ..." he repeated sincerely impressed.  
 

"I do not deserve ...." He said without looking up.  
 

Jensen wanted to tell him that he thought he deserved that and more, including many good punches in the face, but said nothing.  
 

"Now shut up, Jared ..."  
 

"I do not want to lose you ..." said Jared.  
 

Jared was not easy to express his feelings so easily and Jensen remained displaced.  
 

She had to loosen the embrace, but thought better of it, and reinforced more grip ....  
 

the love that awaits .... love that is rewarded by the return ....

 

 

 

 

Jared and Jensen have always praised the fans of Supernatural saying they were people and wonderful fans. They never ceased to thank them. Sure, maybe, this assumes a pink outline more and more sweet if you know that all those thanks were also a way of saying:  
 

"Thank you because you love the relationship between brothers, and thanks because you love us, but because you love our friendship. Thank you because you love Jared, the person that I love, thank you for loving Jensen, whom I love ...... thanks because you have allowed all this .... "  
 

 

 

 

*  
2013 July 19 San Diego. (waiting for the Comic Con)

  
Party official party of the WB that was held on Thursday evening.

  
POV JARED

  
I averted Jensen to leave before ... to stand together, to celebrate my birthday together ...  
He would not.

  
Why? I could not give me an explanation ...

  
I tried to convince me that he wanted to stay with the child born recently, but nothing out of my head that I had done it because of the discovery of the second pregnancy of Genevieve ...

  
I did not understand why he should feel threatened by this thing ... it was not a competition to those who had more children ...

  
Perhaps he feared a stronger my departure from him ... Was it jealousy?

Yes, maybe one day I would have said ...

 

I did not know. I was not stupid enough to believe that he was in love with me. I had long since resigned to this idea ...

But I felt that all our quarrels and our misunderstandings were due to a desire to possess that one felt he had with the other ...  
 

I remember how this idea terrified me and excited me at the same time ...  
 

But when the party unwrapping a gift after another, and I was trying to focus on anything not to think about the fact that Jensen was not there, he could not help but tear roll down a treacherous that I justified it as a sign perhaps exaggerated emotion.

 

I laughed

I was a fool.

 

 

Celebrate late into the night, then I went back to my hotel. He took a shot. Jensen found myself in my room. In the dark.

  
I turned on the light, upset and angry.

  
"Jensen! You're all psychopathic !! You did not come ... and come now, at this time of night? And what are you doing in my room ?? In the dark???"

  
"You're right, are psychopathic, but I had to give your gift ..." he said.

  
"Jensen! You are stupid! Why have not you brought to the party like everyone else ??? "

  
"Sorry, I have not had time ..."

  
Swallow the bitter pill. At the bottom he was there, now. And if there was, it was because he wanted.

  
"What?" I asked

  
"Open it ..."

 

I opened it. It was a bracelet. That says J.  
 

"Jensen! He is a gift for the bride!" I said, seeing Jensen blush, but it really made me a lot pleasure.  
"J is for Jared?" I asked hesitantly.

"Sure, ass ... what else should it be?" He asked, blushing perhaps more and mettendomelo, making me feel shivers up my spine.  
 

I liked the fact that it could be from interpretation. Maybe Jensen was giving it to me, saying,

"If you are going to Jensen. From the meaning you want to. "  
 

And that was the meaning that I wanted to give him.  
 

"I can not believe that you have arrived at this hour of the night ..."

"Ah, forget it, it was an exhausting journey ..."

"Tell me about it, I get you something to drink ...."

 

How I felt bad when Jensen had not shown up.

And how good I felt when I saw.  
I wanted to beat him and smother him with kisses at the same time.

But I loved him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really Jensen said that thing about Jared to decide on the beginning of the chapter ... to save the world, or he ....
> 
> Birthday same: jens there was not ... it came after!
> 
> not in the room of jared, obvious. I added that I!


	17. Look me

Nerd HQ panel dei J2

POV JARED:  
After the Comicon, the panel had to nerd, Okay?  
With Jensen.  
I do not know what possessed me.  
Jensen had bent, and I looked at his butt.  
But oh well ... so I had not seen anyone !!

 

 

POV JENSEN:  
 

While embrace Zachary Levi, I can not help but look to Jared as usual monkeys and began to dance.

It's useless. He is my blessing.  
No picture could never capture my looks. Does not notice him, imagine the photographers!

 

 

*

POV Jensen

I see Jared take Thomas in her arms, while another child, with brown hair, looks at them. Messi so like two brothers, and I can think of Sam and Dean.  
I look at them along with Jared, with tenderness.  
 

It seems to see our movie ....

 

 


	18. Back to the start

"What you need to know what I think, Jensen? So you've already given judgment and conclusion YOUR! "Jared told me angry.

  
"You're right, I do not need. Because I know that is true. My heart tells me so. "I tell him, looking him in the face., Straight in the eye.

  
I'm an actor, guys. This does not mean that if I say something, I'm acting, but being an actor gives you an advantage in most. Do you know where you have to hit. Where words can dig into the human heart.  
 

  
And in fact they dug. Jared looked at me and his eyes flickered.

  
"Shit, and now you expect maybe even hug you, I bet." Said Jared, who suddenly seemed to have some eye discomfort.

  
I embraced him and he let himself embrace, abandoning me.  
 

  
"Thank you, Jay. It was the most beautiful thing they are never said "I whispered, feeling something in my eyes, clouded, push to get out, maybe running away from the flow of emotions that I devoured the chest.

 

 

POV Jensen

  
During the embrace, I saw pass an assistant director who was arguing with his phone ... he continued to turn back the refrain, presumably because he wanted to set it as a ring tone and could not.

  
Jared and I turned around, and I think we recognized both the song.  
Was Coldplay. - The scientist. -

  
The chorus ...  
Back to the start ....  
Back to the start of our story.

  
Jared listened enchanted song. I stared at him.  
I thought to myself: "Take me back to the start at the beginning ... ... Jared ..."  
They 'appeared a thousand flash before his eyes.

  
I dreamed it to be like in a show, as if by magic, you go back in time and relive it all over again.  
My eyes were shining.

  
I imagined to redo everything again ... you know Jared again. Move me again, a hundred times for the same things.  
To meet again and fallen in love to him again...

 

  
You can relive it all over again?

 

 

 

1) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/57837c34073ba4710f14bd5d3813f121/tumblr_nvav507BGo1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

2) <http://40.media.tumblr.com/c2408ac6f430da6198b0f4438c39bcdd/tumblr_nwfq47nXJI1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

3) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/1b7dd340d65b565ae7f3b721b5f306a3/tumblr_nvavagks1M1t0u04do1_400.jpg>

4) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/5731f7e2f194d0f269623d411977ecca/tumblr_o077hhqx0M1t0u04do1_400.jpg>

5) <https://40.media.tumblr.com/1c8f0dd5296da2cd222b7a87d482ca4b/tumblr_o0842tHBaw1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

6) <https://41.media.tumblr.com/ba223e0231e5da3e4d1958845ab12ecb/tumblr_nzdjezccPL1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

7) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/e22d07d3bda7dd6892cb4d306d907e9f/tumblr_nvaveh3MBQ1t0u04do1_1280.jpg>

8) <http://40.media.tumblr.com/3aa18f4d4de52f4478bacdbd90c4b1db/tumblr_nvc8xd9MRE1t0u04do1_250.jpg>

9) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/92d4981ae2b45db424596f9af962b32b/tumblr_nvc8yb7Tpx1t0u04do1_250.jpg>

10) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/ddc2cb1f290825c031447f6ed8cffa1f/tumblr_nvc8z6IvQT1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

11) <http://41.media.tumblr.com/19a10ed5ae32b12aba51ca775f0bf703/tumblr_nvdvn3WR1C1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

12) <http://40.media.tumblr.com/9efad6ba61cb988a09b592c39fd35682/tumblr_nvdvnzqBMp1t0u04do1_400.jpg>

13) <http://40.media.tumblr.com/968b2857b1be164a741542194755230e/tumblr_nvdvovxQHa1t0u04do1_500.jpg>

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to immediately put the chapter, but I could not sort it out the first two ... because as you'll see, I started with the background of the jib 5 and then resumed from the beginning, and this thing was resolved xd
> 
> we say it is a thinking thing Jensen and I found it nice just like in a show, as if to make them out afresh on the path, making him see you <3
> 
> I do not know if I explained well !!
> 
> photos I put them under the link to be lighter on the site! :)


	19. In the spotlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen have to shoot a scene a bit hot and this excites

POV JARED

 

More and more often I talk to other people, and then Jensen surprised at me.

   
At first it was a look vague, as if by chance that darted in my direction.

   
Over time I noticed his eyes become more and more insistent as they happen, and if I would entertain more than they should ... .potevo see almost like a trace of annoyance or jealousy in her eyes.

   
Could it be jealous? I used to wonder.  
 

   
It was rare that we were away during events, or panel, or celebrations of any kind, but when it happens, and then at the end we find ourselves, it was almost as if we thought:  
"This is the place where I have to be"

   
I know it sounds ridiculous.

 

The ninth series has been committed, but also intense and intriguing, especially the question of the mark of Cain.

  
I was sorry that once again Sam were to play as an asshole uncaring towards his brother.

  
But this time was different. Jensen and this time I did not have any more problems.

  
We were back to hug and be the cronies of all time, and if a few side of my soul still suffering about a love that never born, I tried to shut him up immediately.  
The finale of the ninth season, with that "I'm proud of us" lifted up not only fans, but everybody.

  
Including us. Including the crew.  
We had done something fantastic. Something touching. And you know what 'is the best thing?  
The fact that Jensen and I thought that we were proud of us.

  
No, not of ourselves, and even the work we had done.  
Okay, yes, maybe a bit ', but that's not the point.

  
We were proud of our bond. Jensen with that "I'm proud of us," I was telling him.  
No, it is only my personal opinion. I confessed he, some time later. ....

 

 

*

They had begun filming the tenth season, and we were all very excited. Here and there rained rumors about what Sam would spend trying to find the missing brother. The brother did not want to be found ....  
 

We were shooting the 10 x 5. In this scene, it was expected that Sam had to suck the blood of Dean demon from her arm, and then his neck.  
 

At first when we read the script, and I Jensen tried to rebel.

   
We were brothers and that was a scene too erotic. He could not do.

   
But they were convinced. It would be a great scene and everything would stop at that.

   
No kissing, no rubbing, no Wincest.

   
Jensen and I accepted it then, a bit 'confused.  
 

   
From the first take, I noted the difficulties. Jensen had spormi arm and I had to pretend to suck him. The difficulty was derived from the fact that Jensen seemed unable to sit still. He backed away, moving, and so we had to start over.

 

 

Not to mention the scene where I wanted to suck his neck!  
I tried not to get too close with his mouth, but Carver told me that was not right, but if I approached more, Jensen was blocking his eyes and looked at me in a somewhat 'strange.

  
I would say that just slipped his eyes straight into mine.

  
When approached his mouth to his neck, he looked at me with awe, and perhaps a little 'embarrassment, perplexity, curiosity.  
Sometimes I felt his eyes fixed on him, which lasted more than necessary ...  
It seemed fiery ...

  
Or at least I could feel like this.  
Attraction was perhaps what I felt?

  
His body tensed, his face became absorbed now, now almost afraid.  
I did this effect, Jensen?  
For real?

 

*

POV JARED  
 

I called Jensen in my camper. We chatted, talked about the exciting season ahead of us. I slid the topic that scene almost by accident.  
 

Jensen stiffened immediately, and when I asked him to turn at that moment, in the camper, he tried to hold back.

The lights, the camera, the positions, angles, squares, rectangles ....  
 

  
"You have to overcome your fear to this scene, Jensen." I laughed.

   
"Fear? You raving. I'm not afraid of anything, much less of a scene, "he laughed.

   
"Well, prove it."

   
"Here?? Why??"

   
"Why not??"

   
"Because ... .there are missing a lot of things .." Jensen hesitated.

 

"What we need, just us," I said, almost decided to leave out of spite, a faint trace of doppiosenso.  
It seemed to me that Jensen gulped. Maybe it's really how I think. Or maybe you think I'm just a fool.

  
"Next, we are Dean and Sam right now ... let's try the bloody scene .." I insist.  
"Okay..okay ..."  
I start to get close, while he backs up against the wall.

  
"Do not get too close." He says.  
I refrain from roaring.

  
"Jensen, I have to get close. I have to suck your neck. "  
"Okay, just okay..ricordati that is to pretend, okay? You do not have to actually do it, just give the impression that you're doing it. "Jensen says putting his hands forward.

In that time I have confirmation. It damn scared out of my neighborhood. She was left alone to understand, at that point, it was only disgust or for something else.

   
I feel a fire breaking out in the veins, when I approach more.

   
"Jared, you do? The arm ... remember? "Jensen says, looking terrified.

   
"Let's skip that part, do you want?" I tell him.  
   
"No!"

   
"Jensen, stop being a baby."

   
"Stop you!" I said, annoyed, but I now I was near to his neck.  
 

   
"Hold still," I say, his mouth close to his neck, casually brushing his neck with her fingers, in an almost sensual.

   
Jensen feel sighing heavily. Perhaps because there were ten thousand people of the crew and Jeremy to look this time.

   
We were really alone.  
 

   
The support lips neck, without doing anything else, studying his reaction.

Breathe louder, without even bothering to hide it.

  
The rub your lips on my neck, going up from the bottom up, sensually.  
He had closed his eyes and turned his head.  
He touches his cheek with her hand, without changing position, and whisper:  
"Look me ..."  
Direct. As an order.

  
He turns slowly and looks at me with narrowed eyes, the growing desire.  
Just see who turns his gaze to me, I do not control any more.  
I kiss him.

I kiss him before he has the time or the opportunity to get away.

   
The first kiss that I myself might lose courage and reconsider.

   
I had grabbed her face desperately, to kiss him.

   
He sighed when I kissed.  
   
I heard him.

   
He clenched his eyes, but sighed.

   
And most importantly, he had not rejected.  
 

   
I had imagined so many times about that feeling I tried to kiss her lips to Jensen.

 

Failing to be delicate. I kissed him strong, almost as if to force him to open them, and he did with a start.  
I was shivering when our tongues met.

  
Dancing and wet, like two sirens that have been sought for a long time and that are combined with frenzy.

  
Although it was clear that Jensen would not have rejected, not the face I let go, in fact, as a prisoner with my chest wall.  
I did not want to let him go, or allow him to leave.

  
He moaned again and tried to sustain the pace of my tongue that attacked her in a sort of petting controversial.  
I wanted to be slow, I wanted to be romantic.

Failed.

  
Jensen wanted, I wanted with all my strength.

  
And while I held him nailed to the wall and I had pressed even more with my body, and I peered over her face - oh, Jensen has a face as kissing, crazy, it seems that love does - and he holds a hand on his side, I feel that I want to have him even closer ... I want to touch it ... .i want....

 

The door of the camper opened with a loud click.  
 

Jensen and I can not break away from the kiss immediately.  
Even if we did, we could not get away with it anyway.  
 

They see us. Misha and two other girls, fans of Supernatural, who had come to visit the set.

   
Certainly they saw the kiss and certainly also looked my outstretched hand to keep the raised leg of Jensen.

 

Misha looks at us with wide eyes and open mouth.  
He can not say a word.

   
It's not easy. I would say that it takes talent to be able to fall silent Misha.  
 

The two girls are dumb. Us too.

   
Apart from the bustle of course we did for ricomporci.

   
We swallow both.  
   
 

 

"I'm so sorry! We did not want to enter without knocking! "

   
"But now ... we have to get away, we remember that you forgot ... we, the keys, the studio ... we passed before!"  
 

"see you soon! And forgive us again! "

   
"We read the spoilers on the Internet and go to great!"

 

The two girls run away at the speed of light, making thumbs-up with two fingers.  
"Damn ... what was it? A scene of which I know nothing yet? "He asked astonished and shocked Misha.  
Jared and Jensen did not have the decency to lie. Only to make grimaces.  
Misha turned pale.

  
"I ... .credo he needed to drink something strong. You think about it, and then we'll talk, okay? "Said Misha, exiting and holding his head in confusion.  
I sighed scared.

  
"Damn!"

  
I started to get out of the camper even I, running, but Jensen held me by the arm.

 

"Jared, no ..."

   
"Jensen ... if I do not stop those two girls, the news will spread throughout the earth's crust and we will be hit by a cyclone." I said scared.

   
"And then?" He asked only Jensen. He asked me with a sweet smile.  
 

   
I looked at him puzzled and incredulous.  
 

"I will not hide, Jared ..." he said.  
 

I looked at him and I knew what he meant.  
 

I made a gesture of assent, and smiles.

 

 

We looked for a moment, smiling in unison, happy, trying to rationalize what had happened, what was going to happen, and what was already happening.  
I went to him, even though he had already moved to meet me.

  
We kissed. Again. Another time. Another time.  
Another hundred kisses.

  
Jensen he circled back, I touched his chest, and I had not never felt so happy before.  
Our first kiss ... under the eyes of the fandom, such as it was our love, always. since a brother a little straffottente came to take his younger brother at Stanford.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write just two lines!
> 
> two lines.
> 
> no ahhah
> 
> ok .... the kiss finally arrived ... I did a little bit hard to write a scene, I wanted to be perfect but bo ... judge for xd
> 
> before concluding there will still be a chapter or two, maybe three. and that's it. and if you want to use one to ask for more, the answer is NO THREE.
> 
> CIT GENIUS. xd


	20. Continue to touch

I was sitting on the sofa in my camper.

The door strictly locked.

We did not want interference.

Jared approaches me with making mischievous, looks at me with a tender look.

The classic look puppy.

I invite him to approach, and sits astride me.

Sighs, looking at me intently.

I stare at him straight in the eye.

I understand how you feel.

So many years of being just friends, it's strange to be in that position.

Everything you thought you knew and had tried other.

But then it turns out that's not all.

There were new sensations, some much more exciting.

More exciting than you thought.

More exciting than you might believe.

We thought you knew.  
 

Jared has on me, it was not like I had imagined all those times I thought I had desired.  
 

First of all, it was heavy.

Strange to say, because Jared looks very skinny.

But I assure you it is very heavy.

Perhaps the fact that it is high.

 

Then there's the fact That you think you are intimate with someone Just Because you know Often we throw at him, but it is not.  
I have often gone up in the arms of Jared, I thought I Knew the feeling.

  
But Now that he is above me, I feel completely different.  
Because then perhaps we had not kissed yet, we were still buddies.  
Strange? yes

  
Intense? More than I thought.  
Beautiful? All my wildest dreams.

  
Jared strokes my shoulders, arms, and then sensual caresses my chest, with your fingers.  
Slow.

  
He touches me and looks at me like I was the most precious thing on earth.  
I do not know if you realize how I look at myself.

  
My Eyes That shine.  
Ranks better straddled me, in a sort of half hug, where it continues to caress me.

 

I tenderly caressed her shoulders, and legs, through the jeans.  
 

  
It's not like you think in fan fiction.

When he finally broke the love, not that we immediately strips off to have sex.

In short, we are people of flesh and especially men are sick of sex,

but usually after the kiss, and after realizing the thing, there is a bit 'of time for somatization and become aware of it.

It is not true as Ty says, that sex between two men is not sweet!

Or maybe sometimes it is not. In short, it depends.  
 

Me and Jared we wanted for so long, now that we are finally in each other's arms do not seem real.

We want to enjoy every moment.

We want it to be slow, romantic.

There is no rush to have sex.

There is the desire to touch, to touch the body of the other, both thinking about the fact that we thought that the other was not going to ever leave.  
 

Jared and I we're just stroking, and we both dressed.

But our caresses ... guys, weigh. They give a heat imaginable.

 

Hear about me, I feel her head on my neck.  
His mouth on my neck.

His breath on my neck.

He sends me into ecstasy.

  
I try to look at him, but It Seems That he does not like.

He shuns my eyes, smiling sheepishly and throwing himself back on my neck.

She always did. I remember every time I Looked at him, he stared at me in turn and smiled almost sheepishly. Sometimes I felt That blush.

I do not know how I did not realize you was in love with me.

It was so obvious!

What a fool I've been, Jared ...

 

We touch both under her shirt.

The skin of both seems swooning under the touch of the other.

I will put my hand under her shirt and stroked his back.

He does the same on my chest.  
 

Then he kisses me, and narrows more straddling me.

Guys like Jared kisses.

He kisses while keeping one hand on my thigh, and there is no sign of the frenzy of the first time.

He kisses me slowly, romantically.

He caresses her cheeks with her fingers, like you're the most precious thing in the world.  
 

I love you, I love you Jared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be very intense :)


	21. Showdown

 

Jensen was in prison.

He, the most integral and incorruptible person exists,

one of the most valued by those who knew him and especially by the Supernatural fandom, as a man and as an actor,

treated as a criminal any.  
 

He hoped to be out before the news were circling the world, but had underestimated the power of social networks.

Not even an hour after arrival, not even time to realize what had happened, and had been immediately informed of what great fuss was unleashing.  
 

He could only imagine what big fuss had stuck, not only him, but his colleagues, his friends, the crew of Supernatural, his family ...  
 

Jared ....

 

"Hey, Ackles, there is a visit to you." He said a guard.  
Jensen saw his surprise, enter Kripke, directly in his cell.

  
"Erik ??? What are you doing here? And since when did allow people visits in the cells? "  
Erik looked at him, twisting his mouth.

  
"Good afternoon to you, Jensen. Or should I say bad afternoon, and though most of the things you say prison has bad information. "  
"But…"

  
"Just for the record, however, I have a couple of favors to some people here, and they gave me permission. You know you are a prominent personality "Kripke said proudly.  
Jensen smiled sadly.  
"I know, Erik."

  
Erik looked at him.  
"I'm glad you're here."  
"And you do not do well, because I came to get a bunch like that."  
Jensen tugged hands.

  
"What are you doing with that steak?" He asked, suddenly stunned, realizing the raw steak that was hiding behind his back.  
"That's right." Said Erik, spiaccicandogliela face.  
"AHHH. Are you crazy? "Said Jensen.

  
He had lied to him, and certainly it would be very angry with him, once he got out of prison.

 

"never as much as you. But what will it thinking of attacking that guy right in the middle of the street? but what have you got in that head, sawdust? "

"How do you know?" Asked Jensen discouraged, holding his black eye steak. She made him feel a bit 'of relief.

"Enough." Said Erik.

"That bastard ... it coming, Erik. Jared told you what he did? "

"He told me, is obviously in the midst of a lot of ranting and confused explanations panting and agitated, I could not understand anything, but some of the details escape me, so I would ask you to tell me everything well."  
 

Jensen sighed and began to tell.

 

 

 

He had told Jared and those of the Troupe of Supernatural, and Carver, who needed some days off to get things done rather important.

Carver had narrow eyes, snorted, asked what were these commissions, but Jensen was not able to tell him.

Carver then realized that it was something really big.

They ran the shooting to shoot only those who did not require the presence of Dean, and when he returned, they would have taken with him.

Jared was worried, asking questions, but Jensen was an actor and was convincing in calm him, telling him that some of his relatives were in trouble and had to go to them.

Would return before Jared would have time to say: "I miss you." He said.

 

*

 

Jensen had finally found someone who was looking for. The bastard was driving in a quiet town in Canada, as if he had not a care in the world, unaware or uncaring that he perhaps did suffer two people who did not deserve it.

He had asked for information to anyone and in the end he managed to find it, to be told his license plate number.

He might have to deal with while they were on their own, but the memory of those terrible years drove him mad, and he tried to join him.  
 

"It passes, asshole! With all the space there ... "he got angry.

"Get out, you bastard." Replied Jensen instead.

"Thing? Who?"

"Surprise ."  
 

The officer recognized Jensen and astounded. Not seen him in a lot of years, but he remembered a different temperament.  
 

"Ackles ??? What is your problem ?? "he asked in amazement.

"I told you to get off the car, we need to talk," said Jensen, going towards ever closer.  
 

  
Perhaps it was the expression of furious Jensen. Maybe the agent was afraid that it could cause an accident and make them stay dry both. The fact is that he put his machine.

 

 

"You may know that your problem, Ackles? You drank, by chance ?? "the aggredi, he just got out.  
 

Jensen went under, and at that moment it seemed the demon Dean.  
 

"You ... you ruined my life .." he said, pointing his finger menacingly.

"I do not understand what you're talking about. I I've never attended outside the television studios and not seen you in years. "He asked, amazed.  
 

"You ruined my life and Jared !!"  
 

"Now I call the police. You will see it with them. "  
 

"We loved each other, and you ... you destroyed everything." Jensen said, almost crying.  
 

The agent was stunned, in a sort of sudden illumination.

"Ohhh .... I suppose if Padalecki is sung at the end. It took all this time? Feeble! "He said with a grin.  
 

"Do not you dare ... he was deeply in love with me, and you ... you have you pushed the arms of January," he said, pointing the finger.

 

"Come on, Jensen. Padalecki could choose not to believe me, but he did not. However, you could choose but did not do so. That's what's eating you? "  
 

Jensen's trimming a well-aimed punch.  
 

"Silly boy overgrown." He said the agent, touching his chin, and sferrandogli to turn a fist.  
 

"Why this cruelty? Why? We could have been happy for a long time. "He asked Jensen.  
 

"Happy ?? Happy ?? Fool! The happiness of love is just an illusion! Love is nothing but a beast that will eat the heart and disappears! And do not let ashes behind him! "  
 

Jensen looked at him in disgust.  
 

"You should thank me ... love always ends, and you forget how I had nothing but success ... the popularity is one that remains, that is not forgotten, even when you die ...

Do you think you and Padalecki would have had the same success if you had declared publicly?

Do you think people there would send wedding gifts and strewn with rose petals in your path?  
Deluded. A gay love.

 

They would laugh. Why now, in spite of what he wants to believe, it remains what it is. People are always what they are. "

"You had no right to meddle in our lives. You're just a filthy worm. "Jensen said trying to hit him.  
 

  
The fight began again, and the agent still raged.  
 

"Do you think that your love has no future? Poor deluded, he never had. Padalecki rather than fight for you, has clung to my little lie. I offered him a hold of salvation. "  
 

The agent said those words for the sole purpose of hurting him, but Jensen did not care.  
 

"You ... you're just a filthy worm," he said, giving him another punch.  
 

"And you are not the best people you so much blame."  
 

Another punch.

 

 

 

 

 

   
   
   
   
 *  
   
   
   
 

A few nights before ....  
 

"Jared, Jared, Jared."

"Jensen, Jensen ...."  
 

Jared shook and trembled when Jensen held him and rubbed in intimate caresses, sweet, sensual.  
 

"What I wanted to touch you in this way, what I wanted to hear you say my name." The Jensen said as she kissed his chest, and Jared inclined his head up, stroking his head.  
 

"If I had known before ..." said Jared.  
 

Jensen looked at him tenderly.  
 

"Sometimes it seems impossible as we realized that we were dying behind one another."

"I ... I thought ... I thought ..."

"Thing?"  
 

Jared suddenly did not speak again. It seemed to feel a bit 'shame.  
 

"I thought you did not like gays. So you did a little 'sense ... that's why I ... I did not come forward ... "  
 

Jensen looked bewildered, not understanding whether she should feel aggrieved by the judgment of Jared.  
 

"C-what? Are you calling me dell'omofobo? But why? I ... what have I done or said that made you think ... is because of destiel? "  
 

Jensen had complained many times in this craze that had arisen in the fandom.  
 

"No no no ... the destiel has nothing to do."

"So ... was based on nothing." He insisted Jensen.  
 

  
Jared repented that he had slipped into the conversation.  
 

"Look, is as if has not talked or said anything, okay?"

"No…"

"Jensen, because we have to ruin this moment so beautiful?"

"Do not ruin anything, if you say things clear."  
 

Jared sighed and told him about that distant meeting with the agent of Misha.

 

 

 

 

 

"Get your hands off me!" I try to wriggle.

  
"What the hell are you gonna do, huh?" She yanked the agent of Misha.

  
"God ... you're more drunk ... Jensen let his arm, quit or you broke it" I tried to scare him, but inside I was terrified.  
"I know you've got a crush on our beautiful model, but he does not love you," I said evil, knowing he hit me.  
I growled and tried to hit him physically, and I fell to the ground. He laughed.  
"And what the fuck do you know ???" I shouted. I cried and cried, shamelessly. Without trying to deny.  
I was still young.

  
He laughed at me, and then said: "You know what goes around to say your love? He hates fags and that rather than have it put in that place, you priest. "  
"LIAR! "I shouted, trying to scratch his face.

  
He stopped me his hands behind his back and said in my ear:

  
"You're so sure of your love? Do you really know him well as you think? We do not know who NEVER love. NEVER."  
"Jensen would never say such a thing ..." I mutter desperate.  
"Oh yes? So, if this is so, why do not you ask him? "Challenged me, emphasizing the last five words slowly, smiling malignant.  
I sank to his knees.  
Defeated.  
To those who saw me that night I said that I could not stand up, then that was the truth.  
I suffered too much at that time, to go from Jensen to ask him anything.

 

*  
After the story, Jensen empty fixed straight ahead, trying to speak their minds, to go back in time, to regroup, to remember.  
"Jensen, are you okay?" Jared was concerned.

  
"Why do not ... why do not you tell me?"

  
"I do not ... I do not know, Jensen, I'm sorry."

  
"I'm sorry? I'm sorry?? You married Genevieve for this ?? Without even telling me? Do you realize what you have been childish ??? "

  
"Jensen, I was too afraid. I did not see ... I did not see parts of you ... plus I knocked that thing definitely. can you blame me? "  
"I should have known !!"

  
"I was ... I was young and stupid. I was fragile. "He said Jared mortified.  
Jensen put his head in his hands.  
"Please do not be mad at me."

  
"We could have been happy for many years, and you ... you ..."  
Jared frustrated at most, replied:

  
"But you said it! Can you blame me for being afraid? Yes, of course, I could ask, but I did not want to hear it in your face, okay? He had only your thought and you thought this! "  
Jensen said nothing, motionless.

  
"Or ... or not?" Jared asked, suddenly puzzled.  
"Jensen, was a thought, is not it? Please do not tell me I screwed up our love, for a lie

 

 

Jensen looked up, almost liquid, and after a while, 'replied:  
 

"No, Jared. It was not a lie. It was true, I thought ...

  
I not reasoned, okay? And maybe also because I believed not to be returned to you, I said some shit that not even really thought.

Like you said, you were not the only one to be young and stupid. "  
 

"God, Jensen, if I think about how we both suffered for this thing ... but that agent was really shit ... even if you had heard say, should never have come and tell me ... has separated us ..."  
 

"Yeah ... that's right ..." Jensen agreed, growling.  
 

"But now it's all gone. It was a jerk. Promise me that we will leave behind this story, and who do not seek. Promise me, Jens. "  
Jensen smiled a fake smile.

"I promise you, Jared. And then I was I who was wrong. Basically he just said the truth, or what he thought was the truth. "  
 

"Okay ... but now kiss me. Are already in withdrawal symptoms. "Said Jared.

 

Jensen kissed him and resumed the one from which they had been suspended.

 

 

 

*

"God, Jensen ... .that history ...." Said Kripke at the end.

"Jared knows? I mean really all ... "

"I've already said, and he told me the whole story, one that you would not say to him, and that he came to know from you, but from the police, to which thou hast told with a lot of shocking revelations, that now the whole world knows. "  
 

Jensen held his head in his hands.  
 

"I always found it fascinating play wireless phone." Kripke said cheerfully, trying to cheer him up.  
 

"I know I should tell you, believe me, I could not ... Erik..ma would try to stop me and I ... I wanted to make him pay ..."

"I know, and in a sense now Redgard has got what he deserves, and that's good. I suppose I should thank you, Jensen. You certainly remember that guy has hurt me too. "  
 

Jensen looked at him, amazed.  
 

"Oh, right ... I have not done that one time names. That careless. "She smiled sadly Kripke.

 

"The man you were in love ... .He ... .not just can not believe ... .he ruined too." Jensen said angrily.

"No, Jensen, in a way I did you a favor. Now we live and we are happy. I'm sorry I had to leave Supernatural, but sometimes fate takes what you give away. "He said softly.  
 

Jensen remained silent. He looked very sad.  
 

"Do not look so hangdog. Soon you'll be a free man, as he said to Aladdin genie. "

"I do not know to what has bail .."

"But I do. three hundred dollars. Advance. Advance by myself. "He said proudly.

"God ... .Erik, you should not have ..." said Jensen upset.

"I know, but I like to do it, okay? And then I owe you, for framing the bastardo.Se can please you, Regdard not pass so smooth. It must respond to several crimes. Will not come out of jail for a long time. "He said Kripke making lift.

 

"Jared?" He asked, once loose embrace.  
"You know what he told me when he knew the whole truth?"  
"Did I tell you that I'm a fool?"

  
"Ehmmm actually you said that you did well, indeed you had to hit him harder."  
Jared was stunned.

  
"And then ... uhmmm said that you're a jerk, you, not to have told him.  
Soon after he tried to continue what had started, but the officers did not allow him to approach Redgard, and then finally ... he gave me this steak. "  
"And ... um, he did not say anything else?"

  
"Oh yeah ... and then he threatened to floggings live tivu if during your visit, I do not carry around."  
"You mean ...."  
"Jared ... .puoi stop hiding, now!" He called Kripke, and open the cell door to let him in.

 

"Repair ..." began Jensen, but could not continue because Jared flew almost on him, without saying a word.

Then he was silent even Jensen, and the two remained so embraced, standing. In silence.  
 

He looked like one of those classic and famous hugs to Winchester.  
 

Kripke felt too and greeted them cheerfully, saying it removed the disorder.

 

 

 

"Forgive me if I told you." He asked Jensen.

  
"Og, Jensen, forgive you. I should not have let such a fool. I was just a chicken. "  
"Kripke told you of what you did to him?"

  
"Yes, I'm glad it's happy. How now so are we. You know, I walked past the cell Redgard. Will pay for all the things I did, I felt the need to tell him. And I told him also that he's wrong ... on us. "

  
Jensen looked at him tenderly and taking his face in his hands, kissed him gently.  
"How could I resist so much without you?" She asked.

 

 

*

Misha felt terribly guilty. It was, after all, his agent.

He was terrified that Jared and Jensen would have hated this.

He showed up at the police station to arrive in time for the release of Jensen, and saw them in the hallway.

Jared and Jensen.

No no no he could not face them now. Not both together.

They saw him, and quickened his pace.  
 

"Look, I ... I'm terribly sorry for ... you have no idea how sorry I am ..." he began, but could not say anything else, because Jared and Jensen embraced it.  
   
 

  
Someone immortalized that touching scene and published the photos.

All social networks were invaded in record time of the embrace touching between J2 and Misha Collins, with great emotion of the fans

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it would be a chapter intense xd
> 
> I do not know if it was understood by very confused explanations, but Jensen NEVER SAID THAT PHRASE
> 
> everything is invented by me huh !! xd


	22. A love so great

IF we had been able to declare publicly that would unleash something so wonderful in our fandom, we would not have waited so long.

IF I knew that love would be so sweet and melting - there is this term? -  
We would not have waited all these years.

  
All that yearning, that hunger for love, the thirst ... .quel lump in his throat and in his stomach.  
All those sleepless nights ....

  
That sadness ....

 

It is not wonderful, guys? As you dream in life to have a love like that?  
 

So no? the end it was better that way, might have expected, there longed, be breathed each other.  
 

In this way we were able to realize the full force and power of our love.  
 

Love is a force that moves heaven and earth, that everything comes and everything changes,  
everything improves.  
 

We get tons of gifts from fans every day.

 

Dolls, love letters - beautiful -, poems, messages of deep affection for our report, it is amazing to think about how many people we made happy ... and to think that we believed to come massacred.

  
Carver, Kripke, Misha, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, all of our colleagues and truupe Supernatural, our families, were a bit 'stunned.  
Well, our families, most of all, instead our Supernatural Family told us that it was as if we had always expected and in a sense he was a bit 'lost hope ....  
Sometimes the guilt for what we did to our wives back to bite, but it does not last so long, it's hard to feel too guilty  
when you know you have something beautiful.

  
and then Genevieve and Daneel have already found a way to replace us.

  
Obviously there have been negative comments in this regard, but we are not in agreement.  
We were us who hurt her so God forbid that should remain there faithful.

  
we are pleased that they have turned the page, just as we did.

 

Unfortunately, the price for a great love is almost always someone else has to suffer.

  
not very noble, but recognize it is human.  
Often we kiss we exchange or tenderness during the convention, publicly, followed by peals of appalusi and cries.

Boys, and who would have thought only yesterday that we would do such a thing?

 

 


	23. Our Gospels

Home of Jared and Jensen

Los Angeles.

 

"Let me help you, here, so ... this sentence should be corrected so ..." said Jared, writing instead of Jensen, who sat at his desk, he was finishing writing their "gospels."

"In truth, that is just an excuse to embrace" Jensen said, touching his arm that surrounded the chest.

"I need an excuse?" Asked Jared falsely dazed.

"I would say no." He replied Jensen taking his chin and giving him a tender kiss.

"Are you still convinced that it is a good idea to publish these thoughts so close?" Asked Jared, a bit 'doubtful.

"This is no time for second thoughts, love ... and who knows, if all goes well, we will publish the extras," said Jensen.  
 

"Who could possibly care?" Jared asked wryly.

"To all the world, baby."

"Small? Jensen? "

"Mmm?" Asked Jensen grabbing still lips and Jared succhiandogliele.

"Read fanfiction too many!"

"I always thought that those who write were the artists. I like that fans can use their ... .creatività! "Jensen said, laughing.

"That's why you said it, old fox !!" said Jared, by jumping on him.  
 

"Jared! You dropped the chair !! "

"In one of your favorite fan fiction, we do it on the floor ??"

"I guess I have not read it yet so no ..."

"Okay ... how about providing immediately ??"  
 

And Jensen was happy and excited to remedy!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, at the end Jared and Jensen publish their gospels <3
> 
> and how to advance here, there will be a continuation ... of small drabble, nothing serious .... but tell other nice backstory <3
> 
> Ps in my fanfiction therefore, j2 publish their loving thoughts toward each other since they fell in love the first time ^^


End file.
